Because I grew up in Christian circles?
I’ve heard this one forever.
What do you do if your feelings fade?
You love ANYWAY.
Of course when Christians speak like this they are talking about marriage. As one Christian teacher claims marriage is a “covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love.”
So what do you do when your feelings are gone?
You do “acts of love despite your lack of feeling.”
Though “you may not feel tender, sympathetic or eager to please?”
You choose to “BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful.”
What Christians never want you to notice though is they have actually changed the subject. What you were worried about is that you don’t love your partner now and their answer is to PRETEND you do.
That’s what “love is a choice” actually means.
Just look at what they’re recommending!
They are telling you to ACT like you love your partner.
Because you NO LONGER DO.
When you love your partner?
Doing all those things comes naturally.
The only reason you have to force yourself to do them now?
You don’t love your partner anymore!
I have an intimate familiarity with this subject because I lived it for many years in my marriage. After our wedding day my feelings for my long term partner left almost immediately.
What I can tell you in no uncertain terms?
She wasn’t looking for me to ACT like I loved her.
She wanted me to actually feel love for her.
I needed those feelings to return!
As my partner put it near the end of our relationship, “You pushed me away forever.” She said this even though I’d been trying to do the things I thought would have come naturally if only I still felt emotionally connected to her.
This is why what I always tell you?
If you love your partner you don’t have to TRY.
If you don’t love them no amount of trying will do.
As you can see?
My partner could TELL the difference.
Real romantic love IS an emotion. It has nothing to do with “covenants, commitments or promises.” If you don’t have deep emotional connection with your partner your love for them is through.
Yes you can get the love back.
As long as you both WANT to.
I help couples do exactly that.
Hit me up if you’d like me to help you too!
What do you think? Is it really enough for you as long as your partner acts like they love you or are you really looking for them to have genuine romantic feelings for you?