In Part 1 I pointed it out.
You always confuse love with attraction.
It’s an easy mistake to make.
Attraction comes so naturally..
But attraction is not love because attraction is about how your partner makes YOU feel. Love is about valuing your partner and how you feel about THEM.
But what about attraction itself?
Does it have zero place in your relationship?
According to Psychology Today author Stephen Betchen?
Thinking that is the biggest mistake of all.
People who get into relationships where they feel no physical attraction are destined to be unhappy. Without any sexual attraction life becomes dull.
You might be surprised to hear this.
I actually agree with what he is saying.
I’m not contradicting what I said in Part 1.
I just need to qualify it a bit.
In that same Meetup where I told these friends the distinction between love and attraction? I also indicated that without a minimal amount of attraction you will never connect romantically at all.
This makes sense given my definition of Romantic Love.
It involves both emotional connection AND sexual fulfillment.
If you don’t experience any desire for sex?
Your relationship is through.
But in saying this?
I’m NOT saying what Stephen Betchen is.
Attraction always fades in relationships.
It can’t be the BASIS of your love.
What I’m saying is that as long as you have a sufficient amount of attraction at the start? You will always have what you need to keep romantic love alive.
Sexual fulfillment is a tricky topic.
But the bottom line?
There is reproductive sex.
And there is the bonding-based version.
The readers digest explanation of this distinction is the difference between sexuality and sensuality. The former is about dopamine chasing and the latter is about oxytocin-based connecting.
When you learn to make this shift?
Attraction will be much less important to you.
Your desire to make love will not be to get HOT.
It will be to express your genuine CARE for your partner.
It will become about sharing yourself.
It won’t be about getting off anymore.
So once again it IS how they make you feel – kinda.
What do you think? Do you have any experience yet with sexually desiring your partner without huge attraction happening?
Like what you’re reading? Sign up!