When you don’t like something about your partner?

One of two things can happen.

Either you can just ignore it?

Or you can try to change them.

Trying to change your partner is totally taboo, because it is a violation of their personal autonomy. It’s always your partner’s right to decide how little or how much they choose to share of themselves.

“But what about compromise?” you ask.

“Shouldn’t partners ‘give and take’ for each other?”

“Isn’t that what loving someone means?”

“Putting the other person ahead of yourself?”

As you should know by now, my advice to you is the exact opposite. Love is not about sacrificing for your partner, it is about VALUING them.

Of course when you love someone?

You will want to tweak things to please them.

Then it’s not a compromise.

Because you WANT to do it for them.

Where you get tripped up is when you try to apply your motivations to the other person. Then you start saying silly things like, “Well if you loved me you would do this for me!”

But what you’re wanting then?

It’s the sacrifice of their personal autonomy.

You’re seeing their love as something you’re OWED.

Forgetting it is always an undeserved gift!

It is totally okay to see whether or not your partner is willing to change or modify something. But the answer “No” has to always be legitimate.

What happens if they say “No?”

Are you then upset with them?

If you are, then guess what?

You are NOT loving them.

Love never “seeks its own,” but always seeks the willingness of both partners. Only when the overall experience becomes of insufficient value, should you choose to end it.

All you’re doing then?

It’s recognizing there’s no real reciprocation.

Since there’s no true relationship at that point?

You’re just finally acknowledging it.

What do you think? Does love require compromise and if your partner won’t change there’s something wrong with it, or is true love respecting your partner’s personal autonomy and appreciating who your partner actually is?