There is a relationship coach I like a lot.
I met her one day when I approached her.
She was in the row in front of me at an event.
Her purse was full of relationship books.
Even though I admire her, she and I definitely have different perspectives. She even said to me once, “It feels like your view is the exact OPPOSITE of mine.”
I like a lot of the little things she shares though.
But we do differ about personal growth as the point of relationships.
And yes, as I found out this week?
Apparently she also thinks your needs are your PARTNER’S job too.
She put a simple post on Instagram that read, “Your partner will not be able to meet every single one of your needs, 100% of the time.”
She added, “The idea you’ll find ‘the one’ who’ll do this?”
“That’s just our ‘cultural love story.'”
“If your partner doesn’t meet every one of your needs for you?”
“You think something is wrong.”
She went on to explain that this stems from your early relationship training, that is based mostly on fantasy and media programming. I found myself in agreement with her, as I often do on much of this stuff.
But then she made that fatal slip.
You still SHOULD expect to have your needs met.
It’s just that when your love languages don’t match?
You may have to supplement using friends from time to time.
One of her more astute readers asked her though, “Can I get a ‘reasonable’ ratio? Like they should meet 50% of your needs at least 50% of the time?”
At this point I thought surely she’d recant.
Expectation percentages?
That’s just ridiculous!
Nope.
Instead she said, “To create a safe and healthy relationship?”
“You should turn to your partner 86% of the time.”
I had to resist laughing out loud, because the problem with our “cultural love story” is not a function of percentages. The problem is your belief it’s your partner’s job to meet your needs, even 1% of the time.
Your partner owes you absolutely nothing.
Believing otherwise is what gets you into trouble.
Once you see that your needs are 100% YOUR job?
You will finally be set free to truly love your lover!
What do you think? Is it really your partner’s job to meet your needs and if they don’t do you have a right to complain about it, or is the reason your relationships fail all the time because of your sense of entitlement?
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