You are currently viewing It’s Not You It’s Them (Part 2)

It’s Not You It’s Them (Part 2)

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series It's Not You It's Them

I watched a Facebook live today.

A guy got divorced a long time ago.

When he did he dated lots of girls

And he had a lot of relationships.

What he kept finding though was the very same thing kept happening. After about 3 weeks into the relationship, the girl would tell him “I love you too much to stay with you.”

He got a real attitude on.

Became jaded about girls in general.

Finally a close female friend “set him straight.”

She told him, “Sorry but it’s not them it’s you.”

Her reasoning was if just one girl said this then that girl could be the problem, but if a whole bunch of girls were saying this, “It’s not you its them” was unlikely to be true of him.

Normally I would agree with this.

And I actually think in his case that was genuine.

He was an emotionally unavailable guy.

These girls were picking him out real quickly.

Even though I say this I still disagree with the basic premise, because in today’s dating environment it is highly likely that a whole lot of girls could have been the messed up ones.

Over and over what do I hear from you girls?

About all the emotionally unavailable guys you’re experiencing.

But if what this guy was told is true?

Then the problem has to be YOU also.

How could it be true that this guy’s emotional unavailability was his problem, and yet also be true you’re ending up with guys like him because YOU’RE the problem?

The reason is because you’re BOTH messed up

You do the whole “moths to the flame” thing constantly.

Emotionally unavailable guys attract you.

You attract emotionally unavailable guys too.

But just like the guys I talked about in Part 1, the girls this guy was dating were different. They were emotionally healthy enough to see the signs, and hit the exit when they identified him.

If you keep staying with these guys though?

It’s not just them who have the problem.

If you attract a guy like this but stick around?

It’s not (just) them it’s you (also).

What do you think? Can you really say it’s just those emotionally unavailable guys who are the problem, or is there also something in you that needs to healed yet?

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