Okay let me answer the first question you have.
I’m not here to talk about kinky sex with you.
What you two choose to do?
It is completely between the two of you.
Can’t see myself enhancing my romantic connections that way mind you.
But what I’m talking about here is much more fundamental.
It’s about the way the two of you interact emotionally.
This is probably one of the most important lessons I ever learned about being in a connection with a romantic partner that is more long term.
To help you understand I have to take you back.
Back to my early business days.
My business days tie in to what I think about love now.
I spent a stint in network marketing.
Trying to build an Amway business back then.
In that business they are always pumping you up and encouraging you to keep a positive mental attitude (PMA) all the time.
Just sounded like a bunch of hype to me.
How could PMA be any kind of mystical cure?
The universe isn’t just going to drop money in your lap is it?
All because you keep a smile on your face 24/7?
I’m the first one to admit I was partially wrong about all this.
But it took romantic love to finally show me why.
I don’t advocate for the whole law of attraction thing of course where there are spiritual laws of the universe that gravitate everything toward your great mental attitude.
But I do believe you impact each other emotionally all the time.
You pick up on each other’s vibe.
Deep down below your rational frontal cortex?
Your instinctive reptilian brain is operating.
That is the seat of your emotional life.
It functions automatically in spite of your conscious mind.
What this all means for your love life is that if you don’t pay attention to the emotional effect you are having on your partner? You can inadvertently destroy the feeling of romantic love they have for you.
Because how your partner feels about you?
Is a function about how they feel around YOU.
This isn’t just about you doing nice things.
Or them seeing that you love them particularly.
It is about everything ELSE you express in your life.
Even things that have nothing to do with them.
This realization first landed on me when I started to think about all the ways I shared my life experiences with my partner.
When I came home from the store?
I’d proceed to tell her about the lousy experience I had.
Though that experience had nothing to do with my partner?
It made her feel bad anyway.
It didn’t matter if she felt bad for me.
She was still experiencing that feeling WITH me.
Her reptilian brain had no choice.
It would associate those negative feelings with ME.
I can’t emphasize this point enough that if you are basically negative around your partner all the time they will automatically begin to associate feeling negative as being about you.
When you feel like that about someone?
Try feeling like you are in love with them!
You can’t do it.
So romantic love for your partner must die.
When I realized this it terrified me.
When I sat back and thought about all the ways I endlessly pissed on my partner with my negative attitude I realized I had to change.
So I began watching my choice of conversation.
The things I shared when I was around her.
I began to explicitly edit my words.
Remove negative subjects that had nothing to do with US.
Instead I focused on positive themes.
Things that would make her laugh and smile.
So she felt good when I was around.
I’m not talking about keeping your struggles from your partner or not letting them support you as you face life’s challenges.
That is negative you should share.
That’s about caring for each other day to day.
But even when you share that?
Be careful not to endlessly harp on it.
Don’t focus on it all the time.
Realize it won’t benefit your relationship in any way.
Hearing about what a store clerk did to you or a myriad of other things that has nothing to do with your partner will only bog your relationship emotionally.
So the next time?
Before you open your mouth?
Make sure you’re not pissing on your partner!
If you change just this one thing?
You’ll be amazed what a difference it brings!
How about you? Can you think right now about ways you have been pissing on your partner without realizing it?