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Is Monogamy Even Ethical?

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series Is Monogamy Even Ethical?

So an interesting discussion took place.

It was in one of my Facebook groups.

A girl said, “The past year I’ve been exploring.”

“Can monogamy be practiced ethically?”

She continued, “Since I discovered ethical non-monogamy it’s been really hard for me to imagine how monogamy could be done more healthily.”

Of course her past monogamy experience?

It wasn’t great.

She had a “jealous controlling partner.”

Who, “took away my autonomy.”

Because she recognized her experience could be biasing her, she was trying to give monogamy a fair shake, and not just dismiss it. So she went out and interviewed monogamous couples to understand why it is appealing to them.

She concluded for monogamy to be ethical?

Both people need to enter it “enthusiastically.”

What they need to decide freely together?

To focus their romantic energy on just each other right now.

“It is ethical when it is not expected, demanded or imposed on the other person and when each partner feels the same way with no expectations or demands of exclusivity.”

She said, “It’s only ethical when monogamy is dynamic.”

“When the people participating can always renegotiate.”

This means the relationship may “oscillate.”

It will potentially “shift between monogamy and non-monogamy.”

I replied saying, “I completely agree with your overall assessment. No one can actually prevent anyone else from experiencing and acting on their desire and love for others. I see monogamy as unconscioius polyamory anyway.”

Another girl pushed this even further.

“It wouldn’t even be monogamy if it were healthy.”

“The love we share between us isn’t dictated by POSSESSION.”

“I should be free to do anything I want any time.”

She continued, “Monogamous people don’t just restrict themselves from OTHER nurturing relationships. For the sake of maintaining a relationship with ONE person they restrict themselves from travel, exploring themselves and from their dreams and passions too.”

“If we really believed in liberty and autonomy?”

“It’s not that we’d be monogamous with more liberty.”

“It’s that as liberated, autonomous people?”

“We COULDN’T practice monogamy.”

So what do you think? Is it really ethical to REQUIRE exclusivity from your partner, or are you actually violating their personal independence and autonomy when you do?

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