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Is Monogamy Even Ethical? (Part 3)

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the series Is Monogamy Even Ethical?

So in Part 2 I introduced you to Damien Bohler’s views.

How he approaches his love life monogamously.

While I’ve used his kind of “I’m not requiring anything” reasoning myself?

I’ve never used it to reject LOVE explicitly.

But I was curious just how Damien arrives at this monogamous preference of his since he is very definite about it. So I decided to begin yet a further query and ask him to clarify how he came to his viewpoint.

“So another question on this,” I began.

“I’m curious in your case what motivates the desire for monogamy?”

“Is it ‘I just do’ or is there more to it than that?”

I waited.

“When I was 21 I picked up the book ‘the multi-orgasmic man.’ This book somehow awakened me to the possibility of deep union and intimacy, through sex and love. Since then I kind of just knew I wanted to go really deep with someone.”

“I don’t feel drawn to poly style relating,” he continued.

“Or needing lots of different partners for diversity.”

“Sexually and at that level of love, I feel content with one.”

“…exploring different women …holds no interest for me anymore.”

“Going really deep with someone though, yes please!”

I replied, “Yes I hear you. I don’t see real polyamory as wanting or needing multiple partners. For me it is about being open to love with anyone I experience that with. For me monogamy seems to say I should be closed to that possibility.”

Then Damien replied, “I feel open to love with anyone I experience that with.”

“Perhaps there is the conception regarding monogamy.”

That it “requires an obligated commitment to only be with one.”

“Whereas for me I’m only interested in choice.”

“I can be with anyone I want and she can be with anyone she wants.”

“I choose her and hopefully she chooses me too.”

Confused yet?

“If she decides to be with someone else I won’t stop her, there are no limits I apply, no conditions. There will be a check-in with my alignment, however. Maybe it changes and suddenly we want to love a third. I dunno.”

Clearly not your typical monogamy!

I told him I thought we were very similar.

But that I also very easily come to love a girl.

When I encounter her uniqueness my heart just opens up to her.

Then I said, “My background is Evangelical Christian. Many people in my circles interpret Jesus’ comment about there being no marriage in heaven as meaning we end up asexual. I find myself interpreting him polyamorously.”

Then I finished, “That would solve BOTH our ‘problems.'”

“With an eternity to do so?”

“We could go both DEEP like you want.”

“And WIDE like I want!”

No wonder they call it heaven!

So what do you think? Is the kind of monogamy Damien is advocating for a way to approach monogamy more ethically or like myself do you see what he describes as just another form of unconscious polyamory?

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