Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself.
I’m aware I’m the bearer of bad news.
It’s not news I love to be delivering.
But I’m a guy who calls it like I see it.
And monogamy is in big trouble.
It actually always was.
But the new revelations of monogamy’s woes seem to be coming at you each and every day now.
I just read this CNN piece on The Changing Reasons Why Women Cheat On Their Husbands.
Of course there are a lot of things other than just the problems with monogamy talked about in this article.
Girls are complaining that guys don’t carry their share of the load.
But usually it’s not guys who were begging for babies and commitment in the first place.
Nor are they endlessless needing to be entertained every minute so they don’t get bored.
I warned you guys about these girls in my last blog post.
What you girls don’t realize is that Feminism has done all this to you.
The only reason you’re completely exhausted is because you’re insisting on a career beyond the household and raising your children.
You’re trying to live TWO complete lives in one.
In the past you only played the role of the traditional homemaker.
You stayed at home raising those babies you insist on.
Your husband was out making the bread and providing for the family.
If that was still the case you might have a bit more energy.
And a lot less resentment too.
Your husband isn’t the one who made you have to work so hard.
And just in case you think I’m getting all sexist here, even a Mr Mom situation could deal with this. If you weren’t so wired to insist on a provider even when you don’t need one.
Alas, such is nature’s plan.
Long term monogamy was never really in the cards.
But as this article indicates, the traditional homemaker role is not the solution you are opting for these days.
Instead you’re beginning to cheat.
More and more and more.
Another amusing thing about this article is how completely non-condemnatory it is.
When guys are caught cheating like this, it is the most terrible thing in the world.
They are CREEPS.
They have no reason they should be doing what they’re doing.
But now that you girls are cheating?
It’s completely understandable.
You’re totally justified in getting some on the side. You need to alleviate all the unfairness of your marriage. All the ways your emotional needs are not being met.
Of course a guy couldn’t have any needs of his own that his wife is neglecting too.
He should just sit there happily ever after.
Whether or not you feel like having sex with him.
After all, he committed to exclusivity with you.
So finding his needs elsewhere when you’re not interested is completely morally corrupt.
But there is no moral corruption in not providing the sex you PROMISED in the first place.
As the other half of his commitment to you.
But when you feel you’re not finding what you need in your relationship?
Then cheating is totally okay.
The author here says you girls choose cheating because it is too difficult to negotiate an open relationship or face the social stigma of the same.
That’s a morally good reason to violate your commitment to be faithful to your partner.
Who was it who wanted commitment again?
But the article is definitely pointing out realities I talk about every day here.
How the “cares of this life,” created by domestic bliss simply “choke out” romantic love.
It dies the death of a thousand neglects.
And because your husband is there in the middle of that mess, you associate all those bad feelings with him. You can’t even bring yourself to WANT to be intimate with him as a result.
So you stay.
But that’s okay.
You have such a BURDEN on you.
I actually agree with that.
Monogamy is a burden to everyone who tries it.
It is very, very hard to pull off.
At least if you want romantic love to thrive.
You have no idea what this takes.
Instead you just fantasize about all the “successful” long term relationships you think you see around you.
But as this author also points out, relationships can look very good on the outside.
That tells you nothing about what they are really like when you get behind those closed doors.
I was emotionally unconnective with my long term partner for years.
But we looked squeaky clean to everyone else.
All our friends thought we were doing great.
Remember successful monogamy is always measured in years, not QUALITY of relationship.
So what do you do about all this?
If you’re like most people you will keep your head in the sand and “just believe.”
And the author is right.
Open relationships are still pretty unaccepted in society even today.
And talking to your partner about the realities you’re facing isn’t easy either.
But it’s time to put on your big girl panties just the same.
The millenials call it “adulting.” You need to take responsibility for your choices and be honest about where you’re at.
Sit down with your partner and have that hard conversation.
Maybe he’s feeling the same way too!
Maybe he’s wishing he could find a way to go in a better direction.
Confused about all this and don’t know where to turn?
Feel free to hit me up for a Skype session or a coffee.
I’ll gladly help you navigate these difficult waters.
What do you think? Is it maybe time you start listening to what I’m telling you instead of pretending what I’m saying isn’t true?