The reason it’s hard to get this one?
It’s because you are taught the exact opposite.
Even relationship coaches who ought to know better?
They keep tellling you healthy relationships are interdependent.
I read a relationship coach this past week who put it this way: “A healthy relationship is not codependent but interdependent and this means two people living their own lives while in relationship.”
Say what?
That kinda sounds like INDEPENDENCE.
The whole idea when you’re interdependent?
You don’t have a life that is “your own” to live ultimately.
But really what this coach is talking about is maintaining your own sense of self, even though you and your partner’s day to day lives are now completely blended. You are actually dependent upon them for your dwelling place, your finances and every aspect of your shared reality.
But the miracle this coach is still hoping for?
It’s that you will not lose YOURSELF in the process.
Though you’ve blended all your logistics together like this?
She still somehow hopes you will remain YOU anyway.
“When you’ve moved beyond the honeymoon phase, and are now in the powerstruggle phase, you’ll find your partner beginning to focus more and more on their own life again…. and where will that leave you?”
I empathize with the challenge here.
But it’s really one of your own making.
Because you’re not truly independent now?
The lines between you and your partner are forever blurred.
The real way to “live your own life while in relationship” is to remain totally independent. Don’t become dependent on your partner in ANY way.
The reason this is so confusing?
You are mistaking your relationship for LOGISTICS.
You think if you truly love your partner?
You have to LIVE with them.
The part of your life that is your actual relationship, doesn’t need any degree of interdependence. You can maintain your own independent lives completely, and still have a rich love life you share.
All you need to do to accomplish this?
Enjoy Romantic Friendships.
They really are the very best way to enjoy a fulfilling love.
One where you don’t lose YOU in any sense.
What do you say? Is it truly the case that you can “live your own life,” while also being interdependent, or do you need to keep your personal life completely separate from your love life to do so?
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