So an interesting piece floated through my Facebook feed the other day.
It is titled Interdependence Is Not Codependence.
I assume it is not an explicit response to me.
But it provides a good chance to clarify what I’m saying.
What this author is essentially pointing out is the difference between having needs and being needy. If you depend on someone to take care of something you need, that doesn’t mean they are enabling your addictions or immaturity codependently.
The example this relationship coach gives?
It is his relationship with his online marketer.
As a coach of course marketing isn’t his skill.
Because of this he takes advantages of such services.
“Should I have to be an amazing digital marketer independently before its healthy to partner with a digital marketer? Should I have to be by myself until I need nothing from anybody before I can hire someone to meet needs that I can already meet myself?”
Interestingly enough in the most important sense?
The answer to these questions is actually YES.
To ensure the financial needs of your business are met?
It is VERY important you can market yourself.
The reason you add other people to your business activities is to enhance and enrich your business progress. Making your business dependent on anyone else is guaranteeing its failure if they don’t make good.
Believing someone else must meet your needs?
That actually IS a form of neediness.
And contrary to what this author thinks?
When it comes to your relationship life?
It is also VERY important you are okay by yourself first.
But there is a much more important reason to be okay by yourself before beginning a relationship. Beyond ensuring your needs are met irrespective of your partner’s actions, it has to do with what romantic love actually is.
As I emphasized in Part 1?
Romantic love is never about “getting.”
The reason you are with your partner?
You value them and want to share yourself with them.
To be able to truly share yourself with your partner without neediness? You need to be okay without them. The way you become able to do so is by developing a healthy independence.
So on the level of your emotional needs?
Interdependence IS disguised codependence.
If you need your partner to be okay in yourself?
You’re still codependently attached to them.
So what do you think? Am I really wrong to say that interdependence is just disguised codependence or are you still being needy by insisting someone else has to be there to meet your emotional needs?