This blog title was used in a recent newsletter I received from a relationship coach I like.
She was talking about the cure for feeling insecure.
She made a lot of good points.
Like the fact that everybody is insecure to one degree or another.
The more people look like they aren’t insecure, the more likely it is they’re just hiding it.
Insecurity comes from knowing that nothing in life is permanent.
That makes you feel a general sense of unease.
The fact is, anybody can break your heart.
Doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them or how long you’ve been together.
In fact when Cool Girl and I got back together I told her “I will hurt you again.”
Doesn’t sound very nice does it?
But it’s reality.
I wasn’t stating my intent, I was recognizing that the probabilities of life being what they are, it is highly unlikely I will achieve such a seemless interaction in our relationship that I will never mess up again.
And obviously beyond that kind of insecurity there are just the “cares of this life.”
Stuff will happen that will impact your relationship that is completely out of your control.
You can’t control if you’re partner becomes ill.
Or someone close to them dies and it wipes them out emotionally.
Life is full of unpredictables you simply have to play when they appear.
But there’s a positive side to insecurity too.
It adds an element of excitement and intrigue.
You don’t know for sure how things will work out.
So it keeps you on your toes.
As Bruce Cockburn wrote, “Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. You’ve got to kick at the darkeness ’till it bleeds daylight.”
You can hide away of course.
Try to avoid risk altogether.
Or you can jump in with both feet.
Embrace the great adventure!
But does this REALLY mean you can’t find love unless you are willing to risk it ALL?
That’s another question all together.
There are careless risks.
And there are calculated risks.
Not every person is the safest bet.
Not every relationship STYLE gives you the same fighting chance.
If you choose long term monogamy you’re throwing all your eggs in one basket. You’re expecting to live happily ever after with just this one person for the long run.
Statistically that just does not happen.
Not a High enough percentage of the time.
And finding the perfect partner?
That is an unrealistic pipe dream too.
Not unless you go about that quest much more strategically.
But just because you can’t find one person who is EVERYTHING?
That doesn’t mean you can’t find LOVE.
Because love is about connection.
And that is easy to find.
You don’t have to risk it all to have meaningful relationships that fill your life with joy.
You just need to be open to love wherever you find it.
The amazing thing?
It’s when you don’t really care so much love usually comes your way.
When you just go out there?
Somebody notices and love begins.
I would rather enjoy a lot of little loves in my life than have to land the big win in life’s casino. There are a lot of very worthwhile people who wouldn’t be able to pull off that Disney Fantasy dream.
But connect with you?
Enjoy mutual love?
That’s something a lot of people can do.
It doesn’t require anybody to go ALL IN.
Or put everything you’ve got on the table.
Why risk it ALL for that complete long shot?
When you can take more calculated risks and win it?
What do you think? Time to hedge your bets a bit and start turning those odds back in your favor again?