As you know I often take exception.

When people say love is about personal growth?

I say no way!

Love is not about GETTING.

Not even getting to a better you.

But the other day I read a fresh argument for this perspective. Instead of saying relationships are about personal growth, it gave this idea a different spin.

What was that?

You can’t be a good lover.

Not unless you’ve personally grown.

Unless you’re the best you that you can be?

You can’t show up for your lover like you should.

Hmmm.

When I first encountered this, I had to admit it had a different ring to it. The story seemed even more impressive the more that I read.

“If you are disconnected from your emotions?”

“You won’t be able to truly connect to her emotions.”

“If you’re showing up half-limp in your life?”

“You’ll show up half-limp in bed.”

“How you show up in the bedroom is how you show up in your life. The path to being the best lover possible is through becoming your best possible self.”

You might think I said this myself.

After all?

I did say love is not the answer to your loneliness.

As long as you’re looking outside yourself?

You’ll always be incomplete.

Isn’t that the same thing?

No.

It’s actually something else.

I was never suggesting you couldn’t actually BE a lover, just because you’re lonely. You don’t have to be the best you can possibly be, to enjoy love that’s real.

This is a big mistake you often make.

You think you have to be perfect.

Before a girl will want you?

Don’t you have to impress her?

Show up all “alpha” and that?

Many guys make this mistake, because they confuse what Nature wants with what love needs. Since girls are wired to seek a provider, you think you need to “succeed.”

But all of that is just her DNA.

You need to learn to be smarter.

Hold your heart out to that girl.

Break through her biology!

You do this by taking the time to really get to know her. When you do, all the things she thinks are so important slowly fade away.

What replaces them?

The real you.

Right now.

With all your failings.

Give her THAT?

You’ll find true love.

You can work on yourself another day!

What do you think? Will you continue to believe you can’t win her love until you’re perfect, or will you just share who you actually are, so she can fall in love with that instead of her “macho” fantasy?