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If You Loved Me You’d Do What You Don’t Want To

What does it take for a relationship to “work?”

According to Derek Hart?

It just takes one “simple” thing.

Your partner doing what they don’t WANT to.

Hart says, “So it turns out that one line couples say to each other is actually true, accurate and important. ‘I want you to want to do kind things for me.'”

All you want from your partner?

It’s just a “tiny little text.”

How long does that take?

About “6.5 seconds?”

If your partner really loves you and this is all you are asking for, why in the world would they refuse to do so? Don’t they REALLY love you?

I’ll be the first to agree.

With one proviso though.

Where you get in trouble?

You turn this kind of thing into an EXPECTATION.

While the reasoning is always, “Why wouldn’t they do it when it is such a simple expectation?” My reply is, “Why would you expect your partner to do ANYTHING they don’t want to?”

How “simple” something is?

That’s not the point.

What is the point?

Respect for your partner’s personal autonomy.

I know it can seem totally bizarre at times, what things your partner does or does not want to do. But if you love THEM you will respect their right, and recognize “I don’t want to” is a sufficient explanation.

A better policy to live your relationship by?

It is Willard Harley’s Policy of Joint Agreement.

Instead of expecting your partner to do what YOU want?

Avoid doing anything you aren’t BOTH wanting.

Harley’s policy reads like this: “Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your spouse (partner).” Doesn’t that make more sense than constantly getting uptight at each other?

With a little creativity?

A little more LOVE?

There are lots of possibilities.

Alternative ways to show you love each other.

What do you think? If your partner is not willing to text you all the time is it really worth making a big deal about it, or as a romantic friend of mine said when I shared this with her, “Aren’t there more important things to fight about?”

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