In a recent blog post I talked about a tendency you girls have.
You like to put your relationship under a microscope.
You’re constantly scanning for the slightest hint.
Is there something wrong in your love life?
The reason this gets you into trouble?
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The more you probe and dig and look the more likely you are to find something that is not quite right. Something you missed before that tells you all is not well in paradise now.
But there is a bigger problem going on here.
You know what it is?
It is a fantasy you have about relationships.
You’re confused just how they should actually be.
How they are in your day to day life.
This all starts off with your Disney Fantasy to want to be swept of your feet by a knight in shining armor. Once you’ve had your fairy tale wedding day you think your life should be endless bliss.
A perpetual high.
A mountain top experience.
An endless euphoric romance.
Every day should be better than the previous.
Just like in the movies.
If your love life experiences ebbs and flows you start to panic. Why are you not as attracted to him today? Why doesn’t he seem interested in making love?
I am a big advocate for romantic love.
A major promoter of the feelings it involves.
If you aren’t both interest in sex AND emotional connection?
You’re not experiencing the real deal.
Your relationship is hitting the skids big time.
Evasive action is necessary!
But this is a very different thing to saying love is a mountain top all of the time.
The truth is emotions are very influenced by a lot of things you have no control over. Things like your weariness or stress at work or extended absences or a hundred billion other things…not to mention those kids!
This is why I highly recommend learning contentment.
The highest percentage of life is lived in the valley.
You have to make special arrangements to nurture romantic love.
Much of my advice here has this nurturance in mind.
But even the best laid plans are subject to the winds of time.
The gales of reality.
The “cares of this life” as Jesus said.
One time I shared with a partner that I was feeling less connected to her than I wanted. I suggested we change up our love making plans to move in a more slow and intimate direction.
All she heard?
I was feeling disconnected.
Then she panicked and even broke up with me.
All because she couldn’t accept a simple fact.
Feelings come and go.
That’s why while I don’t agree with traditional commitment because I recognize love doesn’t always last forever? I do still recommend you develop some staying power too.
Do your partner a courtesy.
Accept that some of your times together will be better than others.
There is nothing wrong with that.
Love is NOT a mountain top.
Love is a JOURNEY.
Enjoy the ups and downs as you experience it!
How about you? Have you found yourself panicking about your own relationship just because your feelings ebb and flow?