Hollywood has always confused me.
It is a bundle of contradictions. Not unlike some girls I know!
On the one hand Hollywood promotes movies with romantic love as their central theme.
Finding true love so you can live happily ever after with your “one and only.”
On the other hand it promotes titles like 50 Shades of Grey.
The whole theme of erotic feelings of sexual passion and marital unfaithfulness.
the idea that sex is not about “making love.”
It’s about “fucking” as Christian Grey puts it.
I was talking to a marketing friend about this one day and he laughed at my confusion.
He saw no contradiction at all.
He told me,
Sex and love are the two central driving forces in the human psyche. So it makes perfect sense that the marketers of Hollywood would focus on each of them in turn to make their money.
Makes sense right?
Of course it depends on who you are, which of these two urges predominate.
This is what creates the great conflict in the dating world.
You girls usually experience the urge toward love and romance more than the urge toward sex.
There are exceptions of course.
When you girls want love it can easily slide toward the 50 Shades Of Grey type of theme.
A girl I know said to me once, “Life is too short not to want to be seduced and romanced and swept off your feet.”
That pretty well sums up that side of the equation.
Guys tend more toward the sexual side.
Being naturally sexually addicted?
Guys are attracted to films that depict themes of sexual conquest and achievement.
Though the porn industry is still not completely mainstream?
There are many Hollywood flicks that border on the pornographic, while bringing a bit more story to the picture.
There is an intriguing development more recently in the porn industry.
It is beginning to produce films with true story and acting quality too.
These carry its work closer to the center now.
But the primary theme whether from mainstream Hollywood or from the porn industry, is that people are potent sexual beings who desire to fulfill themselves on this front.
So I admit my friend has a point.
I shouldn’t be surprised to find Hollywood doing what it does with these two forces of our natures.
But even so my original contention remains.
This vascillation between sex and love is indeed a contradiction.
Which is why the theme of marital unfaithfulness is always present when sex becomes the focus.
Sex is seen as a force that draws us initially into romantic relationship but ultimately cannot be sustained within marital bliss.
Something about domesticity is not conducive to the maintenance of passion.
And so we stray.
What is the answer to this conundrum?
Are we forever destined to have our relationships collapse under the pressure of this great contradiction?
Or is it possible to maintain sexual desire within the context of genuine emotional connection?
I believe the answer to this contradiction is to deny Hollywood’s claim that sexual fullfillment must be contrasted with romantic love.
What is often touted as “romantic love” by Hollywood is only emotional connection. When it lacks the sexual element, it is nor real romantic love.
I’ve defined romantic love as the merging of these two great forces of sexual fulfillment and emotional connection.
I do believe it is possible to have and to hold both of these within your relationship.
When romantic love becomes your purpose?
When you insist it must include both sexual fulfillment and emotional connection?
You enter into a deeper experience that neither sex nor emotional connection alone can provide.
But you have to be committed to this outcome.
If you are a guy you must resist your natural tendency toward sexual addiction and if you are a girl you must resist your natural tendency toward emotional addiction as well.
I wrote about this necessity here.
You must value your partner enough to realize that both these aspects of your natures must find expression in your union.
When you ensure that you live your lives in a way where both these needs are met on a regular basis in your times together?
Only then will you protect your love from being dissolved by the contradiction so visible in Hollywood’s product.
Are you up to the task? Will you commit to making it your purpose to experience sexual fulfillment and emotional connection that is mutually shared and enjoyed together?
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