One of my Facebook friends shared a link to a small article.
Sounds wonderful doesn’t it?
Your dream come true!
Only problem is, too often when you wake up from these kinds of dreams?
You find it’s become a nightmare.
Why is that?
You create a fantasy for yourself out of the person you are dating. You don’t meet the real person until it is much, much too late.
But surely this article promises to save you from this outcome right?
It claims to show you HOW to make sure you’ve found “the one.”
What advice does it give you to make sure the person you’re dating is REALLY the one who you should forsake all others for?
It tells you to use a crystal ball!
Okay, that’s not quite what it says.
But if you check out the advice offered, using a crystal ball is exactly what you are being told to do.
It starts off by saying you should choose someone who “chooses you just as confidently as you choose them.”
So far so good.
You don’t need a crystal ball for that one right?
But then again, almost ANYBODY can be that confident at the start.
Even narcissists and emotionally unavailable guys (and girls)?
They seem like a sure thing up front.
It is only when you get deeper into your relationship you find out.
They really can’t make good.
Emotionally unavailable people can keep up the facade for months and months during the dating process.
Even longer still once you’ve both made the commitment!
Many times they even think they CAN make good.
Because they don’t really understand themselves.
But let’s read on…
To make sure that confident commitment is genuine?
You should also look for some additional reassuring traits.
Sadly it is now that you enter into TOTAL crystal ball mode.
This person should “lift you up whenever things get rough.”
They should be someone “who fights to make things work when the reality of life gets difficult and discouraging.”
This is starting to get a bit trickier isn’t it?
Just how rough do things get while you’re in the new relationship energy (NRE) phase of getting to know each other? Isn’t it at that time that you hardly recognize the “realities of life” as real problems, because you’re both so “in love?”
It’s going to be months.
Possibly years into your relationship (6-36 months on average).
Before that you won’t be able to know.
Will this new love of yours can actually make good in the face of “difficulty and discouragement?”
Starting to feel the need for that crystal ball just yet?
But let’s read on…
This person needs to be able to “see the wars within you.”
See your “dark side.”
And still be able to “cradle your dark, and embrace your light.”
Be your “best friend when you yourself are not.”
They should never “call you weak for feeling so deeply.”
But “adore the soft creature you are.”
They should “fight to protect” you in this “hardened world.”
I agree it would be great to find someone who’ll do all this for you. But how are you supposed to know they’ll do any of this, before you’ve lived with them for long enough to see?
Even if you date someone for years before “tying the knot?”
You’re simply not going to experience what it’s like to actually live together.
You’re not going to go through any of this stuff now are you?
This is the stuff of REAL living.
Only time will tell how they will respond when it comes.
How does any of this advice actually help you to:
“Fall in love with someone who makes it impossible to love anyone else?”
I wonder if that crystal ball I saw advertised on eBay is still available!
Oh wait though, there is more…
You want to find a love who will “challenge you.”
“Inspire you to think and feel.”
Igniting “a wildness within you.”
“Growing your mind just as much as they grow your heart.”
Oh and they better not expect you to remain the person they fell in love with either.
Because you’re “bound to change.”
So they also need to “respect you for changing.”
Understanding that means “you’re growing.”
They need to “stand in awe” as you “bloom and flourish.”
Love not just “who you are.”
But, “Who you have the potential to be.”
Hmmm. What is that old saying? “A guy marries a girl and hopes she’ll never change. A girl marries a guy and hopes she can change him.”
The author finishes off by exhorting you to “never settle for less.”
Instead “keep waiting.”
Essentially just keep working on you.
Of course working on yourself IS really good advice.
It’s what the author promises if you do that ought to give you pause.
You are told if you wait long enough eventually the time will be “right.”
When that time comes you’ll “fall in love with someone who will appreciate everything you stand for, who will compliment you in ways you never imagined.”
The love you’ve been waiting for will “flower within your life.”
You’ll “understand why you had to wait so long.”
Well at least THAT part could be true!
If you wait until you find a guy like this?
You could be waiting until you’re headed to your grave!
I don’t doubt for a minute if you work on yourself you will increase the odds of meeting someone more capable of being in a relationship with you.
But just what are those odds?
We know statistically that only 17-20% of long term monogamous relationships end up happy.
Not great odds but at least we know that sometimes things work out.
When they do though?
It sure isn’t because anybody achieved this kind of foresight.
They couldn’t tell the person they chose was what this article suggests you can.
You would indeed need a crystal ball to know the person you’re falling in love with can make good on all of that!
I’m actually trying to visualize a flesh and blood human who actually could!
Instead you are statistically much more likely to find yourself singing this refrain penned by the rock group Styx:
My heart is breaking, my body’s aching
And I don’t know where to go
Tell me, tell me, won’t you tell me
I’ve just got to know
There’s so many things I need to know
I wish I had better advice to offer you.
How you can guarantee you’ll “fall in love with someone who makes it impossible to love anyone else.”
Sadly, only hindsight is 20/20.
So until you find yourself a crystal ball you’re left to what nature has in mind for you.
Which is why I choose to configure my love life a bit differently these days.
What about you? Do you think maybe it’s time for to put away that crystal ball of yours and start doing things a bit differently too?
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