A lot of you guys, especially you introverted guys, think it’s hard to meet girls.
It doesn’t help that all the dating stuff out there keeps telling you it’s hard.
That kind of negative reinforcement just instills in you the very limiting beliefs that get in your way.
Another problem arises in this context.
To help you overcome your “inadequacy” in this area, a lot of these dating gurus convince you the answer is to change who you are.
They tell you who you are is just not good enough.
Sounds like a recipe for relationship disaster to me.
How can you expect to have a long term anything with someone you tricked into being with you?
By pretending to be someone you’re not?
Don’t read me wrong here.
I’m not saying we introverted guys shouldn’t work on our self-confidence. Everybody should do that.
But the suggestion who you are is completely fluid and you can change your fundamental character traits?
That’s stretching it.
And trying to change your core personality into something else, just so you can meet girls, is a complete waste of your time.
It’s never going to happen.
If you want to try that by all means give it a go!
But I don’t think you have to.
There are plenty of girls out there who will love you just the way you are.
The more you worry about meeting them, the harder doing so is going to be.
So what should you do instead?
Don’t worry about it!
You see, trying to meet girls is unnatural.
I’ve read a ton of this pick up artist literature and even participated in a few different workshops based on similar concepts.
They all encourage you to set aside time to go out where girls are and try to talk with them.
That advice makes sense if what we’re contrasting it with is sitting at home hoping a cute girl will ring your doorbell and ask if you want to date.
I encourage you to get “out there” too.
But what I don’t encourage you to do is go out just to meet girls.
Because that isn’t normal.
And girls will feel that’s what you’re doing and be turned off by it.
Instead what I encourage you to do is begin to do things where encountering other human beings is natural.
Go to a coffee shop with your favorite book and read there.
Browse book stores and explore the interesting titles in different sections that intrigue you.
Get involved in fun activities where you have the chance to interact with other people.
In other words, be a normal human being!
This doesn’t mean do activities you don’t enjoy.
Sure try dancing to see if that’s your thing, but if it isn’t, don’t do it anymore.
There are lots of activities you can participate in that you’ll enjoy.
And you’re going to find like minded people at things you enjoy anyway.
Like minded people are good potential partners.
You’ve heard about that idea of having things in common right?
What you will find is that meeting people of both genders will happen quite naturally at these kinds of events.
As will the opportunity to enjoy conversation with them and get to know them.
When I did experiment with dancing I realized what I enjoyed most was the conversation at the tables between dances.
So I shifted my focus to social events conducive to that instead.
A funny thing happens when people get to know each other.
They begin to like each other and want to spend more time together.
This experience is not limited to same gender encounters.
Just so you know I’m not talking from my hat here, let me share a couple such encounters from my own experience.
I met my long term partner at a Bible study.
Pretty sexy eh?
When we first met each other, neither of us was particularly impressed with the other. But we kept attending the same youth events at our church and eventually we connected.
A couple years ago I took a CELTA certification course to become certified for teaching English as a second language.
At the very first group meeting, a girl sat down beside me and we started kidding around.
She and I spent lots of time together both in and out of class and the rest was history.
A romantic friendship without even trying!
Another girl I met at a meetup at Yuk Yuks. We hit it off and friended each other on Facebook.
We caught a movie together and started doing some other things and our romantic friendship grew from there.
This isn’t rocket science guys. It’s called being a human being.
I know if you’re introverted like me you can very easily end up cocooning.
Man do I know what that urge feels like! Just let me hide in my shell!
So yes, a bit of comfort zone expansion is going to be required here.
But you don’t have to worry about it or worry about how to meet girls.
Girls are everywhere. They are everywhere you like to go and lots of them enjoy doing the very same things you like to do.
All you need to do is just show up.
Do what you enjoy doing and they’ll show up to do it too.
Then just be friendly and say “How’s your day going?“
See where it goes from there.
What do you think? Are you ready to quit worrying about this and just get doing what you enjoy doing, so those girls can just happen in your life?
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