“Relationships are hard.”
“Relationships take work.”
“Relationships are a complete mystery.”
I hear this all the time.
You probably think these things too.
How could I sit here and tell you you’re wrong about this?
The reason I can say this is I’ve actually taken the time to analyse things. I told you before logic is never going to ruin your love life!
The reason you’re struggling?
The reason you’re failing?
You’re not using your head.
You’re following your emotions.
Being in love is all about emotions.
I understand that.
But how you approach being in love is not a function at all of your emotions. There is more than one way to do love and you have to use your mind to get THAT right.
No I’m not going to harp right now.
Tell you about the failures of monogamy.
Though it may surprise you?
I’m not even going to point you to the virtues of Romantic Friendships again.
What I’m here to talk about today?
It’s the problem of expectations.
It’s the reason you think relationships are hard.
Somehow long ago you came to believe that somebody owes you something. When you translate that belief into your relationship life you change the lingo and talk about your NEEDS instead.
Your partner is there to meet your needs.
If he or she doesn’t they are inherently failing.
Even successful relationship counsellors?
They tell you this all the time.
Well I’m here to tell you they’re all wrong!
And so are you if you believe this.
Your partner doesn’t owe you ANYTHING.
Everything they give you is a gift.
Romantic love is not about finding someone who will meet your emotional needs and satisfy you. Romantic love is about valuing your partner enough that you want to share yourself with them.
It’s not about you.
It’s about them.
It’s about the TWO of you.
When you love someone you value them so much that you want to be with them and share the connection you share. If your partner ever decides they don’t want that anymore why would you want to FORCE them to be with you then?
This is the only REAL deal killer in your relationship.
All the deal killers think you have?
Those are just you guaranteeing your relationship won’t work for you.
You cannot control anyone.
You have no right to think you ought to.
The only way you can ever have love?
You need to love with an open hand.
Am I saying if you just drop all expectations that everything will be wonderful in your relationship? If you decide from this day to unconditionally love your partner does this mean your partner will love you back?
Of course not!
Well then how can I claim this?
That giving up expectations will make sure your relationship always work?
I can claim this because if your partner isn’t IN?
You don’t HAVE a relationship to make work.
The only relationship that is real is the one you don’t have to try having. A real relationship is something you both already want.
Expecations drive that want away.
This is a hard pill to swallow.
But you can never KEEP love.
You can only ever RECEIVE it.
The sooner you start to let love go the sooner it will want you. The more you try to get your needs met the more likely your love will leave you for good.
So there you have it.
The real guarantee.
The only one you can count on.
The way to make sure your relationship keeps working?
Let go of your expectations.
Swallow THIS pill?
Your life will change.
I dare you to prove me wrong!
What do you think? Is it time to start loving your partner with an open hand and see whether they fly away from you or come to light with you forever?