Seems lately we never go more than a few days without some headline about the latest relationship scandal.
Hollywood of course is an endless source of these stories.
I remember when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie first hooked up.
It was right after Angelina had made some bold statement about thinking girls who steal other girl’s husbands are despicable.
Mirror, mirror on the wall…
As much as everybody believes in monogamy, very few people practice it.
Scarlett Johansson has been making a stir lately insisting monogamy is completely unnatural.
And statictically she does have a bit of a point.
But you likely still think monogamy is the way to go right?
Because that’s the way you were raised to think and feel.
The important thing to realize though is if your partner cheats on you, you’re not monogamous even if you thought you were.
Recently I’ve been listening to some of Shania Twain’s older songs.
One’s like Looks Like We Made It.
And You’re Still The One.
How idyllic we all perceived her marriage to be.
But there is a way to make sure your partner never cheats on you and it is 100% effective and guaranteed to work.
Don’t require fidelity.
If you never require your partner to be “faithful,” he or she can never cheat on you.
I know what you’re thinking.
Doesn’t that just defeat the purpose?
Aren’t I really just telling you to let him know it’s okay to cheat and then go ahead and let him do it?
There’s more to it than that.
By requiring fidelity, monogamy is setting up a very unnatural situation.
It’s like the difference between open book and closed book exams.
If you take a closed book exam and you access information you’ve snuck into the exam room, you’re cheating right?
Does that mean when you take an open book exam, they are telling you it’s okay to cheat?
Of course not.
An open book exam simply has a different purpose than a closed book exam does.
The purpose of a closed book exam is to test your “head knowledge.”
An open book exam is testing your ability to find the information that you need.
You still only have a certain amount of time to complete the exam.
If you don’t have sufficient knowledge how to find the answers, you’ll still fail.
Romantic Friendships and other styles of open relationships are like that.
They have a different purpose than monogamous relationships do.
Romantic Friendships are about your romantic connection with a partner. They aren’t about trying to make sure you or your partner never experience that kind of connection with anyone else.
It’s just like the way the central point with the open book exam is that you can actually do what’s necessary when you’re called on to do so.
The point of a romantic friendship is that you’re truly connective with your partner.
With monogamy you’re trying to assure yourself your partner only has eyes for you.
That he’ll turn away from everyone else and not be tempted to experience intimacy with them instead.
But that’s not the real world.
As the history of monogamy shows.
You can and often do experience love for more than one person. You can and often do desire to connect with that person too.
This doesn’t mean you’ve ceased to love your current partner.
You just love someone else as well.
The purpose of monogamy is to “close the book” on this possibility and FORCE your partner to love only you.
That’s why monogamy is so unnatural, as Scarlet Johannson notes.
With monogamy, when your partner is with you, they could just be there because they are “supposed to be.”
Because they are not “allowed” to be anywhere else.
That would be “cheating.”
What you really want is for your partner to be with you because he or she desires you.
That’s what Romantic Friendships give you. Your partner could actually be with someone else but they are here with you.
So you know they want to be.
As counter intuitive as all of this sounds that’s what REAL faithfulness is.
When you could be anywhere else.
I never cheat on any partner because I never promise monogamy. I never set them up to cheat on me because I never require it either.
When I enjoy a time of connection and intimacy with a partner?
I know she is there because she wants to be.
And I am too.
Yes I could be with someone else.
But right now I’m here with her because I really desire to be.
That’s how she knows I love her and am faithful to her too.
What do you think? Are you ready to eliminate the cheating option?
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