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How To Make Monogamy Work

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series How To Make Monogamy Work

I know you’re shocked!

“What have you done with Kel?”

Obviously this one?

It must be written by an impostor.


Believe it or not, my primary recommendations regarding Romantic Friendships and polyamory, actually come from my favorite pro-monogamy author.

If you insist on traditional monogamy?

You should follow his advice.

For the past 35 plus years?

He’s been helping monogamous couples make it work.

Willard Harley is the author of the book His Needs Her Needs. He says if you want your relationship to last, you have to make the feeling of romantic love your obsession.

How do you do that?

You both commit to a regime.

It’s central practice?

Undivided attention.

Harley says you should commit a minimum of 15 hours a week, to meeting the four key emotional needs for each other. If you’ve been apart at all, you should increase that time to a minimum of 30 hours!

What are those four key emotional needs?

The first three are the elements of Emotional Connection.


Recreational Companionship.

And Intimate Conversation.

The last one is usually the primary male emotional need.

The need for Sexual Fulfillment.

You might recognize these?

They are what I always say romantic love actually consists of.

Usually this will mean setting aside 4 or 5 times a week, where you spend 3 hours together. That will give you enough time to meet all four emotional needs each time you meet.

Oh and if you have kids?

That’s another 15 hours on top!

First comes your time.

Then comes family time.

If you’re feeling exhausted right now I can understand that, but how else do you hope to keep love alive, with all the day to day burdens of living together and having a family?

This is why I recommend Romantic Friendships instead.

They remove the effects of day to day life on your love.

Instead your relationship becomes an escape.

You steal away to enjoy each other.

To nurture the feeling of romantic love.

And isn’t that the point of your relationship anyway?

To enjoy the experience of just being together happily?

What do you think? Are you prepared to commit to a love regime like this, or would you rather just enjoy love without the baggage?

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Series NavigationHow To Make Monogamy Work (Part 2) >>

This Post Has One Comment

  1. David W

    Can I outsource some of that emotional stuff to a guy?

    And just do the sex stuff?

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