So in my last installment?
I introduced you to a regime.
In order to keep your love flourishing?
I recommended you listen to psychologist Willard Harley.
Harley says you should commit to a minimum of 15 hours of undivided attention time per week where you and your partner focus on meeting the four key emotional needs for each other.
But you might be wondering.
Why does this work?
It has to do with a funny little part of your brain.
Scientists call it the amygdala.
This is where your emotions are given their meaning and remembered. Positive experiences create positive memories and negative experiences create negative ones.
Harley gives your amygdala a more popular name.
He calls it simply your “love bank.”
Whenever you meet someone?
You open an account in your love bank for them.
Then you start to register their deposits and withdrawals.
Whenever you experience a positive experience through a particular person? This accrues a positive balance and you start to feel good about them. Whenever they do something that goes the other way this registers a reason for you to feel the opposite.
People you like create mostly deposits.
If they do too many withdrawals?
You just close their account and stop interacting with them..
What Harley says though about your monogamous spouse?
They are the person you are most likely to HATE eventually.
The reason for this is that monogamous commitment of yours, which prevents you from closing their account if their withdrawals become excessive. Instead because you’ve chosen “until death do us part?” You keep their account open so they can keep withdrawing.
So how do you prevent this from happening?
You focus on doing massive love bank DEPOSITS together.
As you spend those 15+ hours of undivided attention time each week?
You will hopefully overwhelm monogamy’s inevitable withdrawals.
When your partner’s deposits exceed a certain threshold you come to feel romantic love for them. As long as they keep that level of love bank deposits happening you will be in love with them forever.
But this is also why Romantic Friendships are best.
They are ONLY about creating love bank deposits.
Because they side step the withdrawals monogamy always brings?
They give you every opportunity to remain lovers.
What do you say? Do you still think monogamy is the best way to go given how hard it is to avoid endless love bank withdrawals or should you just opt for Romantic Friendships instead so you can focus on only making deposits?
Like what you’re reading? Sign up!
