I had an interesting conversation the other day with a girl friend.
She and I were talking about dating efficiency.
Is there a way you can accelerate the process?
Increase your chances of meeting someone?
She was recently single again so to her this question was more than just academic. She was frustrated by what she was encountering through online dating so far.
Can’t say I blame her.
Other than experimentation?
I don’t find online dating very effective.
Too many people not serious about meeting up.
If they are?
They just want to hook up.
For the kind of relationship I like, the girls on Match would be just perfect. Unfortunately most of those girls want their relationship packaged in that failed paradigm called monogamy.
My friend says she has kissed online dating goodbye.
She will just meet someone in her social circle.
Explicitly trying to meet someone?
She no longer thinks it’s the way to go.
Just live your life and they’ll show up.
No need to worry about it.
Needless to say this is quite a contrast from the girls I told you about a while back. They were trying to use online dating to short list their dating life and pre-screen guys before they even meet up.
So which girls are right and which girls are wrong?
The answer is both of them!
You might meet someone just living your life.
If that’s your only option though?
Your chances are quite slim.
This is the real attraction of online dating of course. Instead of having just a few people to encounter, you have a smorgasbord to pick from. Sadly while this is the theory it doesn’t turn out that way.
Online dating completely removes REAL human interaction.
Knowing a profile isn’t knowing a person.
Only live interaction can give you that.
Hence my friend’s social circle concept.
What you need to do is combine the two of them.
Leverage the strengths of each and skip their weaknesses.
How do you do that?
By explicitly structuring where you hang out.
You need to get yourself out there more where you can always be encountering new people. That’s why I enjoy meetups and other such gatherings that have a high turnover in attendance all the time.
Normal social circle doesn’t change enough.
Once you know everybody it’s over.
At that point you’re just the single person in the group.
At least until someone new happens along.
When I suggested this deliberate scouting of social contexts that have this kind of high turnover? My girl friend visibly winced because she thought I was being artificial and ingenuine.
That’s not true.
Not at all.
I’m personable and genuine with everybody.
All I’m doing is keeping my goal in mind.
What I want is romantic love.
That is my priority now.
I only have so much time in my life so I want to spend it experiencing genuine connection. Just hanging out with a bunch of friends isn’t quite going to meet my goal is it?
Once I meet a girl I like though?
I always see if she’d like to get together.
Spend more personal time one and one.
To see if we really connect.
I don’t do this just because a girl is attractive.
I do it because we’ve had a real encounter.
What I’m doing with this is not just trying to “hit on” girls when I meet them. If I was doing that of course I’d expect the girls I meet to be turned off.
You’re intelligent enough to know this right?
If you act like that a girl can sense it?.
Since I’m not interested in “getting laid” though?
I’m completely good with creating friendship first.
Friendship is the foundation of romantic love anyway so you can’t really LOVE without getting to know somebody. That’s the way you’re going to find someone special with whom your love can grow.
But life is short.
Love is rare.
So be sure to maximize how you go about things.
Make sure you’re meeting new people all the time.
Don’t just let them randomly come into your life.
What do you think? Is there a way to be a genuine person and still increase the efficiency of finding a new lover?