I was thinking how I wanted to spend Father’s day.
I decided to put out a gift here for all you dad’s.
Because I know a lot of you struggle with this.
I hope my story gives you some hope.
I’m sitting in an empty house.
It’s the winter of 2010.
We live in BC’s Okanagan Valley now.
But our long distance tenants just went AWAL on us.
Our insurance won’t let us have an empty house.
So I’ve driven all the way to Alberta to “occupy.”
I’m stuck here all alone.
I put my laptop up on a folding table I’ve set up in the entry way seating area to be my make shift office. I sit down on the folding IKEA Ted chair and turn my computer on.
Me and my Internet connection.
All alone.
That’s never been a good combination.
Not to disappoint I begin to “work.”
Like I have for so many years now.
“Working” means trying to focus on work until the distraction of my favorite porn sites becomes too much. Before long I’m doing what I always do instead of getting anything productive done.
This time my focus is Jo Guest.
She was so hot when she was younger.
And being an “ass man” as I am?
There is nothing finer than hers to fill the day.
Usually Page 3 girls in Britain are known for their large breasts, not for their posterior endowements. But Jo has always been a favorite of mine, so I “use” her again to get off several times.
I carry on in a similar fashion.
For over a month while seeking new tenants.
I have only two showings each month.
It’s the dead of winter after all.
So plenty of time for “other” things.
I go on like this, as I’ve always done and Christmas fast approaches. BC is playing the avalanche game this year, so there’s no way I’ll be driving home.
My wife and I decide to fly me instead.
Three weeks at home and then I’ll return.
But those three weeks changed my life.
I found out she was thinking of leaving.
With that information I flew back to Alberta.
Back to my empty house.
Suddenly I’m distracted by other things and put my Internet connection to better use. I begin surfing myself to try to figure out why I have been so emotionally disconnected.
My focus is all on my relationship now.
Porn addiction is the last thing on my mind.
But as I start to learn about myself.
I see it is all connected.
No.
My porn addiction isn’t the CAUSE at all.
It is just a symptom.
Part of my avoidance pattern and my fear of connecting emotionally with her.
As the clouds begin to clear I realize the time has come to finally kick this porn addiction thing for good. I had read many years before how to do this thing but I know that now is the time.
What did I do?
Did I start a NO FAP project?
Commit to no porn.
No masturbation for 30 days and beyond?
Nope.
You know what I did instead?
I committed to viewing porn DELIBERATELY for several times over the next few days and set out to USE porn itself to overcome my addiction completely.
Yep.
That’s right.
I USED porn.
To OVERCOME my porn addiction.
How do I know I overcame my porn addiction then?
Because I viewed it without masturbating.
I often use porn this way today, just to show myself I can and that I now have the will power. Self-control is not avoidance of your triggers, it’s the ability to experience them without succumbing.
Porn isn’t even a temptation now.
I can take it or leave it.
It’s just no big deal.
Once you’re free you’ll feel the same way too.
It just won’t factor in any significant way in your life anymore.
Want some help?
Hit me up and we’ll get you started too!
What do you think? Would you like to get to the point where you could view porn for an hour and then just roll over and go to sleep?
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