You’re nervous now.
In the beginning things were great.
But as time has gone on you’re not so sure anymore.
Is he really connecting like he was before?
Are there tell tale signs you should be noticing?
I find with a lot of you girls this is a common pattern you get into with your love life. Because you’re so focused on your relationship you start to put it under a microscope.
I’ve seen this too with girls I’ve loved.
We start out so easy and fun and relaxed.
But as time goes on?
They start to doubt.
They second guess our love.
One girl went so far as to create a whole battery of tests just to see whether I would pass or fail them. Needless to say I didn’t do that great because she didn’t give me the textbook to study before the exam!
Another girl was always questioning.
Putting out little doubt statements.
One time I said, “When we’re not together.”
She immediately blurted out, “Oh are we breaking up?”
All I meant was the times in between our meetups.
But still she got herself worried.
Another girl planned something fun for us and I misunderstood her intentions. When I realized my mistake I told her “I hope the wind isn’t gone from those sails.”
She said she didn’t understand my meaning.
I clarified saying, “I hope I haven’t taken the wind out of your sails.”
“That I haven’t dampened your excitement.”
“Phew! Glad you didn’t mean the wind has gone out of the sails of our relationship!”
Where did that come from?
You girls are experts at fine tooth combing all our statements. You get yourself convinced as guys we’re speaking in secret code to you all the time.
Listen to me girls.
If there is something wrong?
We’re going to tell you.
You’ll never have to second guess us.
If we’re upset with you we’ll say so.
But you know what is really sad about this tendency you have of putting your whole relationship under a microscope? Many times this all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you are looking for problems?
You’re going to find them.
Even when they are completely absent.
The technical term for this is confirmation bias.
It’s not because all these problems are really there.
You’re creating them as you go.
One final thing you sometimes do when all your doubting is going on? You have another guy in the wings and the relationship examination is to see if you are justified in bailing on your current guy.
In this case too all your relationship tests?
They’re to justify what you’re already planning.
If you have somebody else and you’re considering them instead?
Then you’re already hedging your bets.
If you’re done with your current relationship you shouldn’t test your guy to rationalize your decision. All this does is dishonor the love you both have shared.
But if you really want to know?
Want to be sure your relationship IS okay?
Here’s how to actually go about it.
Let it BE.
I promise you.
It will be just fine!
What do you think girls? Are you your own worst enemy in trying to make sure all the time that your relationship is really okay?