Quite some time ago I made a claim.
I said the only reason you don’t have love in your life is because you don’t want it.
But you don’t really believe me.
You’ve been searching for the “love of your life” for a long time now.
And you’re coming up empty.
There’s nothing easy about your search at all. How can I claim finding love is easy?
I can claim it’s easy, because I’m right.
Finding love is not hard at all.
I found love just last night.
It just takes being open to love.
Everywhere you go there are people just like you who want love.
You just need to open your heart to them so they can find you too.
“So if it’s really as easy as you say Kel, why can’t I find it?”
For exactly the same reason as I said in that original post.
The only thing between the two of you finding each other, is both of you don’t really want love.
You want something more than you want love.
So you’re closing yourselves off to it.
Even what I wrote at the beginning of this post shows that you don’t really want love.
You want “the love of your life.”
“The love of your life” is not love. It’s a particular fantasy of what love has to look like.
It’s just one particular version, the “monogamy version,” of “the list.”
But “the list” takes many forms and the criteria on it are endless.
A couple weeks ago I found love too, just like I found it last night.
“You started two new relationships in the past two weeks?”
I could have.
But sadly, no.
I did experience love for two different girls in the past two weeks. The only reason I don’t have a relationship with either of these girls is because they didn’t want love too.
How do I know?
Because I offered it to them.
I told each of these girls how special I thought she was.
I said I would be very open to exploring a connection together.
Both of these girls told me they want love.
That must mean they took me up on this offer right?
Of course not!
Neither girl agreed to explore a connection with me, because neither of them really wants love. They want something else instead.
Both girls want monogamy instead of love. (Shock!)
The first girl feels she needs to figure out “what she wants” instead of love.
She’s working on “the list.”
The second girl feels I’m too much older than her, because she wants someone within 5 years of her age instead of love.
So although each girl claims she wants love, she shows by her actions that she doesn’t really want it at all.
Because she could have had love the night I met her.
No guys, that doesn’t mean I would have slept with her.
True physical intimacy is the outcome of developing a genuine connection first.
But I saw unique value in each of these girls.
They saw unique value in me too.
THAT is the foundation of love.
My connection with both of these girls was immediate and strong.
Otherwise I wouldn’t have made the offer.
I don’t know where either of these connections would have led because I wasn’t given the opportunity to find out.
But I do know that if either of these girls had opened her heart to exploring a connection with me, we likely could have found love together.
Because love itself is not hard at all.
It’s the easiest thing you can do.
You just value someone for who they are and they value you for who you are too.
Then you share yourselves with each other.
I know what you’re thinking.
“Kel you’re just delusional. Probably neither of them found you attractive.”
I do agree that attraction is always an obstacle, but it is just one more thing you want instead of love.
You know attraction is NOT the key to love.
Because you can be attracted to someone you DON’T EVEN KNOW.
But you’ve also experienced times where someone you didn’t initially find attractive suddenly “changed.”
They changed because you GOT TO KNOW THEM.
You came to love them because instead of just impersonal attraction, you experienced who they actually are.
Their value made them attractive to you now.
Even though you didn’t think they were attractive at the start.
That’s why I asked these girls to explore a connection with me.
Because real love only starts when you come to know the real person.
And that takes time.
So how about you? Are you ready to let go of all the things you want more than love, so you can find it tonight too?
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