I was talking with a sweetheart of mine today.
She asked, “Can you REALLY feel romantic love for more than one person?”
She didn’t think she could.
I told her I completely understand.
I used to FEEL that way too.
My shift began when I started to notice something going on inside me. I would “fall in love” with a girl I met and feel like I could be all monogamous with her. But then I’d have the same experience shortly thereafter with someone else as well.
So what’s up here?
How could that happen?
If monogamy is so “natural?”
Maybe you feel it could never happen to you.
But are you really so sure?
Don’t you often find yourself feeling drawn to someone other than your partner?
Feeling like someone you just met is pretty special too?
If you are really just naturally monogamous why do you feel you need to guard against this phenomenon? If you can only love one person how could you be tempted like this at all?
But I do understand the feeling.
Being polyamorous has to be wrong.
It goes against the grain of what your emotions tell you that you SHOULD do.
But what are those emotions anyway?
And do they really lead to love?
The statistics tell you they absolutely don’t.
So what’s going on here?
Your emotions are a function of the paradigms you hold to. It is as simple as that. They only tell you monogamy is right because you’ve been programmed to feel that way.
Just like Neo in the Matrix?
You’re not living in the real world.
How do you know this?
Because despite its promises monogamy doesn’t deliver.
So let’s say you finally recognize this.
You make the decision and swallow the red pill.
Your emotions fight you anyway.
They want you to plug back in.
How do you TRULY escape the Matrix?
How do you finally become free to love who you love?
You escape the monogamy Matrix the same way I escaped my addiction to porn. You have to re-educate your emotions to align with what you now believe.
As a good little Christian boy?
I was taught finding girls attractive was wrong.
Enjoying those feelings was sinful.
If I masturbated to porn I needed to repent.
This whole belief system kept me bound.
Uptight about my sexuality.
Over many years though I finally learned the truth.
The truth that God created me to experience and enjoy sexual desire.
What is wrong is pursuing any desire in an unloving way.
But even though I changed my beliefs and now felt free to enjoy my sexuality? I still had the same old emotional baggage telling me I was sinful anyway.
Did those remaining feelings mean I WAS sinful?
Not at all!
I had corrected that mistaken belief.
The same way what I tell you here corrects your belief about monogamy too.
How did I change those feelings so I wasn’t emotionally uptight about sex anymore?
Over time as those feelings of guilt and condemnation arose, I learned to talk to myself and correct them. I just kept doing this until the day they finally couldn’t take hold anymore.
Slowly they faded away.
Through my loving neglect?
I didn’t feed them or acknowledge them.
I just kept teaching them they were wrong.
Christians of course would say what I did was sear my conscience over. But like a watch your conscience is only as accurate as the beliefs you set it by.
Ask ten people in a room what time it is?
They will give you ten different answers.
Not because none of their watches work.
They’ve just set them slightly differently.
Conscience is just an emotional reinforcement of your beliefs about right and wrong.
But unlike a watch when you change your beliefs?
Your emotions don’t just change right away.
I don’t recommend EVER ignoring your conscience anymore than I recommend ignoring your feelings about love. What I DO recommend is subjecting whatever you feel to what the evidence actually shows.
When the evidence is against what your feelings say?
Your feelings are leading you astray!
You’re living in the Matrix.
It’s exerting its influence on you.
Trying to keep you from living in the REAL world.
The world where love has a fighting chance.
You CAN escape the Matrix, just like I did when I escaped porn. And yes like I did a few years ago now when I came to recognize that like yourself, I’m really polyamorous.
I no long guilt trip myself about liking girls.
I no longer feel something’s wrong when I experience love.
Love with whoever I find it with.
Even if I find it with someone else too.
I just love who Iove.
I encourage you to re-educate your feelings as well.
Then you can love who you love too!
So what do you think? Do you want to continue following the program the machines have provided for you or will you finally escape the Matrix once and for all?
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