“I showed one of my girlfriends today a photo of you, and her response was ‘He’s hot!'”
“Requested a threesome did she? ;)”
“And would I think she’s hot? Have to gauge this complement lol!”
“Just a sec…I will try to find a photo of her.”
“Yep. She’ll do. Thanks for the validation! ;)”
“Yes I thought you’d like that photo of her. She has a nice bum too! ;)”
“I suspect you don’t have a picture of that to share with me.”
[Further photo uploaded]
“Yes from what I can discern there I would say she qualifies. Aren’t you the little bearer of gifts! :)”
“We aim to please right?”
This was a literal message conversation a romantic friend and I shared recently.
I’ll call her Cool Girl.
I can just imagine the insecurities that must be firing for a lot of you girls right now.
Not only do you insist on monogamy from any guy you’re with.
You also worry if he notices there are other girls on the planet.
And you’re probably thinking Cool Girl must have very low self-esteem.
How could she lower herself to the place of providing me with pictures of a cute girlfriend of hers who thinks I’m hot?
But let me do a little inventory here on the concepts this message interchange illustrates.
We’ve covered all of these many times here at Romantic Friendships.
First, I’m not an “out for sex” kind of guy.
My purpose is romantic love, which includes both sexual fulfillment AND emotional connection.
I don’t want sex with someone until I really know and care for her.
I don’t even go for a first kiss until then.
Though as a guy I’m naturally sexually addicted, I’ve learned to control that addiction and put my focus on secure attachment instead of just attraction.
Which means my quip about having a threesome was exactly that.
Just a quip.
Cool Girl is okay with me having relationships with other girls because we both choose not to own each other.
We know that just doesn’t work.
But because she knows I would never be with anybody I don’t really care about, Cool Girl doesn’t do jealousy either.
And neither do I.
Cool Girl is free to have a relationship with anyone she wants to as well. I don’t own her and she doesn’t own me.
So far from this little message interchange showing low self-esteem on her part, it shows how very comfortable Cool Girl is in her own skin.
She is indeed that cool girl I spoke about, who knows I’m a guy.
Instead of trying to shame me for my sexuality, she celebrates it and encourages it.
And even though I’ve told you that breasts make guys happy, Cool Girl’s read my book about overcoming porn addiction, and knows that I’m actually a classic “ass man.”
So she knew I’d enjoy the particular endowments sported by this friend of hers.
And she was right!
But she’s not threatened by any of this, because she knows I don’t compare her to anyone else.
Since I’m polyamorous, I can and will be in a relationship with anyone I experience a desire for this kind of connection with.
There is no contract forcing me to be with Cool Girl, so she knows I wouldn’t be with her, if I didn’t love her and want to be with her.
So she’s relaxed.
She can point out and share attractive girls with me, she thinks I would enjoy experiencing.
Yes. Our love really is that easy.
In fact this message thread was one of those little touch bases we regularly do, that keeps our connection alive.
So what did we do at the end of this fun little message thread?
We planned our next rendezvous to get together and make love!
So what about you? Can you see letting go of your insecurities and really letting love just “be” in your life?
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