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How The 5 Love Languages Completely Miss The Point

Time to stir the pot again!

Go after another of your sacred idols.

You know that whole 5 Love Languages thing?

Follow it and your love life will get off track!

How can I say this when The 5 Love Languages by author Gary Chapman is considered necessary reading if you want your love life to prosper?

I can say it because I’m right.

And The 5 Love Languages is WRONG.

If you don’t see how wrong it is?

You haven’t been paying attention.

On day one of this blog in my very first post I defined romantic love for you. I explained to you the TWO elements of which romantic love consists.

Remember those?

Let’s review.

They are emotional connection AND sexual fulfillment?

Check out your 5 Love Languages book.

Any sign of sexual fulfillment in there?

Before you go insisting that physical touch is the same thing as sexual fulfillment? Recognize that Chapman says lots of people’s love language ISN’T that.

Physical touch just means physical expressions of affection.

Hugs and kisses and holding hands.

And often instead of being sexual at all?

You’d be quite content with a cuddle wouldn’t you?

Since sexual fulfillment is half of romantic love it can’t just be some people’s love language. It is something that EVERYONE including you participates in if you are truly in love.

What is missing from the love languages schtick?

The whole area of sexual desire.

When it comes to the need for this energy to be present?

The 5 Love Languages completely miss the point.

As Esther Perel has pointed out “domesticated” love kills sexual desire. Which means the more you fan ONLY the love languages flame the sooner the candle of your love is going to go out.

Romantic Friendships remedy this.

They maintain the balance between affection and desire.

They allow you to share emotional connection of course.

But they also always leave you sexually wanting more.

What do you think? Is it really enough just to speak your partner’s love language or is it equally important to make sure you fan the flame of your desire for sexual fulfillment as well?

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