In Part 1 I talked about things you should NOT do.
When you are ready to break up with someone?
You should never do it over text.
Always do it in person.
Take responsibility for your actions.
And for goodness sake actually let them know you’ve broken up!
HONOR the love you’ve shared.
What I want to do in this post is give you a little concrete advice on how to do this whole thing right instead. How SHOULD you break up with someone?
The first thing of course is to meet up in person.
Protect your partner’s feelings as you share.
There is no need to hurt them more than you will just breaking up with them already.
Because I’m polyamorous?
I’m going to share something from within my context.
I hope though you can still translate it into your particular situation.
Since the principles of a breakup are largely the same I’ve chosen a little thought experiment based on my scenario.
I’ve had a couple breakups with romantic friends.
These girls were themselves monogamous.
This often goes with the territory in how I roll.
They eventually meet someone who will be exclusive with them.
Your break up may not be from non-monogamy to monogamy. But you’ve often found someone ELSE as well.
So see if you resonate with what I write here.
Below is how I would want a romantic friend to move on if she had to:
“Thanks Kel for getting together tonight.”
“This is really important to me.”
“I want to be careful to take your feelings into account.”
“You mean a lot to me and I would never want to do anything that would hurt you in any way.”
“I really appreciated that chat we had about a month ago concerning what would happen if I met someone and thought about starting to explore a relationship with them. It turns out I have met someone now and so I want to talk with you about this again.”
“First I just want to emphasize that this has nothing to do with not loving you.”
“I’ve appreciated all the times we’ve spent together.”
“All the hours we’ve enjoyed chatting and sharing parts of our lives.”
“It’s meant so much to me all the ways you’ve loved me too.”
“No matter what happens in the future now, our times together will always be a very special part of me.”
“I really thank you for loving me.”
“For showing me you value me for who I am.”
“I love you too and I always will.”
“You will always have an important place in my heart.”
“I hope this doesn’t mean we won’t ever see each other anymore. I know it will probably be hard for a while as we figure out how it looks for us to move to being ‘just friends’ now.”
“Obviously I’ll be spending most of my time with this new person.”
“As you know I don’t have a lot of time outside my work life.”
“But if you’re ever feeling lonely or down?”
“Especially during this transition time?”
“I want you to know I’m still available to chat if you want to.”
“I don’t mean to eliminate you from my life, just because our relationship is going to change.”
“I don’t really know how this new chapter in my life will go.”
“I’m both excited and scared.”
“But I feel like now I’m in a better place to be open to love.”
“I have you to thank for that.”
“You were patient with me and took the time to make sure I was comfortable all the way. You never forced me to do anything I wasn’t ready to do and I enjoyed all the adventures we shared.”
“So thank you Kel for being in my life”
“For showing me you loved me.”
“I’m going to miss being lovers with you.”
“Miss sharing the times of intimacy we’ve enjoyed.”
“That’s what I wanted to say.”
“But I also want to make sure you’re comfortable now.”
“So if there is anything you want to ask?”
“Anything you want to discuss?”
“Just fire away!”
What do you think? Is what I wrote above a bit more appropriate way to say goodbye to someone with whom you’ve shared some of the deepest moments of your life?