There are a lot of introverted guys out there.
I know them well. I’m one of them.
A lot of people are surprised when I tell them this because when I’m out in public I appear pretty outgoing and sociable.
I can talk up a storm with the best of them and express quite a bit of positive energy interacting.
But all of this is learned behavior.
How did I get here?
Many years ago now I tried to get an network marketing business off the ground.
I never really got anywhere with that from a money earning perspective, but in the process I picked up a whole bunch of people skills.
Of course gaining people skills wasn’t my motivation at the time. I just wanted to make an incredible pile of money.
Funny how life tricks you into learning its lessons isn’t it? If you ever figure out how it does that, maybe you can short circuit the system, quit this personal growth thing, and just get to the money!
But until then the lessons keep coming…
What’s interesting is without realizing what was happening at the time, while I was busy trying to make a lot of money, I was actually learning how to meet girls.
I’ll have a lot more to say about this in the future. And if I work with you personally you’ll get the full treatment!
But today I’m going to share with you 3 of the things I learned that you’ve got to do if you want to meet girls as an introverted guy.
But before I share those with you, first I need to tell you a secret.
This is going to be a really earth shattering revelation so make sure you’re sitting down and have your pen ready.
Are you ready?
Okay. Here it is.
Girls are just people.
As an introverted guy I suspect this is really a mind blower for you. Because up until now you’ve been under the impression girls are some kind of angelic goddess-like entities beyond this terrestrial plane, of which you are not worthy.
Their just people. Sorry to let you down.
But once you get over the disappointment, you’re going to start to realize what this means.
It means that if you learn to meet people, in the process you’ll be learning to meet girls too.
Because they’re just kind of mixed in there with the rest of the people.
And that’s really great too because you can sort of forget for now about the girls while you’re developing your skills, and just focus on meeting people instead.
Before you know it you’ll accidentally be meeting girls anyway, because they’re hard to miss if you meet enough people.
You see when I said I learned how to meet girls in my network marketing days, that’s not really what I was doing at all. I was just learning to meet people.
I was married at the time so I wasn’t looking to meet girls.
Honest guys I wasn’t!
But what I found out when I moved to Vancouver after leaving my long term relationship and getting back into the dating scene, is that I already had most of the skills I needed to meet girls because I had learned to meet people a long time ago.
So what I’m really going to show you here is 3 things you’ve got to do to meet people as an introverted guy.
Forget about those girls for now and just focus on meeting people.
Once you’ve got that down, meeting girls will be a natural extension of the skills you’ve learned.
So for now let’s just talk a bit about the 3 things you’ve got to do to meet people.
The first thing you’ve got to do to meet people is walk out your door.
It’s funny but the people have just never lined up at my door asking to hang out with me. Maybe your experience is different. If so please share with me how you’ve managed to pull that one off!
Once you get outside your door though, you’ll find out there are a whole lot of people everywhere.
Which should make meeting them pretty easy, don’t you think?
You can meet them at the coffee shop. At the laundry mat. At the bus stop. On the train. At the grocery store. In the bank line up. Serving you in a restaurant.
They are literally everywhere!
So get out of your house and get where the people are. That will be a huge step in the right direction.
Okay, so what do you do next?
Well let’s say you’re walking down the street and you have to wait at the corner for the walk sign. On any given day there is a high probability you’re not the only one standing there.
But I suspect as an introverted guy what you usually do is create a nice distance between yourself and any of the other people standing at the corner.
You know why? Because that way you won’t accidentally meet any of them!
Am I right?
You are an introverted guy and wear that as a badge of honor!
Heaven forbid one of them should accidentally be nice and say hello.
Wow that would be earth shattering wouldn’t it?
It would really destroy your day and definitely damage your reputation as an introvert.
I know you don’t think that way but that’s what your introverted wiring has taught you to think subconsciously.
I don’t have time to get into why you’re like this.
Maybe some other time.
It really doesn’t matter how you got this way though.
It’s just what to do with it now.
And I want to emphasize you don’t have to do anything about it. If you don’t care whether you ever learn to meet girls, keep putting that distance between you and people at the street corner, at the bus stop, at the coffee shopor wherever. It’s totally okay if that’s really what you want.
But if you want things to change, then keep reading.
Now notice we’re just talking about people here. Not girls.
It could be an old guy with a walker standing there. It could be a mom with her two kids. We’re not focusing on girls right now at all, just people.
Whoever is standing there just decide in your timid, introverted mind to simply move your body within talking distance.
Move to where that person could decide to smile at you and begin a conversation if they wanted to.
Then just stand there like you always do.
Don’t say anything, Just stand there.
But stand close enough that THEY could say something if they wanted to.
Okay wow! If you’ve done what I’ve suggested so far you have made huge progress!
You’ve gotten out of your place where you could actually encounter people and you have begun moving yourself within speaking distance.
This really is huge for an introverted guy.
I’m not messing with you. I actually went through this so I know it is a massive accomplishment whether or not any of those naturally social people recognize it or not. What do they know? They’ve never been where you are, have they?
Okay so there’s only one more thing you need to do to seal the deal and actually meet someone.
Once you get yourself out your door and move close to someone like I’ve described, do this one final thing.
Say “Hi. How’s your day going?”
What? You actually want me to speak? How could you do this to me Kel?
For someone introverted like you are this is like asking you to slit your throat or jump off a cliff.
That’s why I haven’t asked you to do any of this specifically with a girl who you find attractive yet. You just don’t need that extra pressure in the way. Right now you just need to do it with anybody. Any person. Just someone!
But I promise you, most people don’t bite.
Okay maybe later when you’ve learned to meet girls some of them will bite but I promise you it will be fun then!
But we do need to do a bit of a reality check here.
Sure not everybody wants to talk. They’re out there and busy doing their thing.
Or they’ve got headsets on while riding the train. Or a whole bunch of other things.
But just because not everybody wants to talk doesn’t mean everybody doesn’t want to talk either.
The fact is in any given social environment whether it’s a coffee shop line up, or a bookstore, or at the corner crosswalk, at any given time there are a few people quite willing to talk if you open the conversation. You just have to figure out which ones they are.
How do you do that?
By asking them if they want to talk. You ask them by saying “Hi. How’s your day going?”
Then you wait and see.
If they want to talk they’ll say something like “Not bad. How about you?”
If they don’t want to talk they might ignore you, they might look at you oddly. They might also respond but then look away immediately.
That will be earth shattering if they do that right?
I know. I know.
As an introverted person it really feels like even that little bit of disinterest will be devastating.
Part of why it feels that way is you’re looking at this whole thing wrongly. I didn’t tell you to try to get someone to talk with you. I told you to find out if they want to talk.
Whether or not they talk with you is irrelevant.
That isn’t your goal.
Your goal is just to find out if they want to talk.
Even if they choose not to talk with you, you’ve found out right?
So you’ve accomplished your goal.
Of course if they want to talk then you’ve found that out and you can take it from there.
There’s a lot more about how to move things forward I can’t share with you now.
So by making this simple mind shift from trying to get them to talk to seeing whether they want to talk, you’ll learn that it’s okay either way. And you’ll have so many great conversations with people that want to talk, it won’t really bother you if somebody didn’t want to talk.
That’s their right.
There’s only one way you can find out if they don’t want to and that’s to ask them. But if they indicate they don’t want to, respect their right not to and don’t talk to them any further.
It really is no big deal.
Okay if you’ve followed me so far you’ve learned the 3 things you’ve got to do to meet people.
But I promised you I’d tell you the 3 things you’ve got to do to meet girls.
Let me make good on that now.
You’re probably laughing because you think I’m just going to tell you to do everything I just described to meet people, but do it with girls, right?
Actually not quite.
There is one big difference between doing this with “normal” people and doing it with girls.
For some reason nature has wired you to be completely terrified of doing this with girls.
I don’t know why. It’s just the way it is.
So it’s much harder to do when there is an attractive female in the picture who you’re really into.
This requires you to tweak things just a bit.
What I suggest is that when you start out, don’t even try meeting girls you find really attractive. Practice on people you have no attraction for first. And do that a lot.
You need to become comfortable with “normal” people first, so you overcome your natural introverted aversion to even this minimal amount of socializing.
After you’ve done that for several weeks you can begin to shift your attention to meeting girls.
Even then though I want you to move slow.
First just get out there where it’s likely more girls you find attractive could be present.
I don’t recommend the bars and clubs because that is likely to be completely overwhelming to you.
Stick with the same areas you’ve been frequenting but take note if there are places where girls you find attractive show up more. Malls are a good example, as are coffee shops and book stores.
The main thing is now you’re actually taking note of the girls you find attractive so you can practice specifically with them.
For the first while just go there where they are.
Don’t even move near them.
Just be in their vicinity consistently.
Once you’re pretty comfortable with that, start moving near really attractive girls so THEY could speak to you if they wanted to.
Don’t act like a stalker.
You’ve learned how to do this with “normal” people without being weird.
Do the same thing now with attractive girls.
After a few weeks of doing that without speaking to them, take the final step and ask them how their day is going.
Just like before with “normal” people, some of these girls will be willing to talk and some won’t. Just like before the way you find out is by asking them.
What you’ll find though is now when you meet a girl who’s willing to talk?
You’ll really feel a boost of encouragement.
You’ve learned how to meet a girl you actually find really attractive, even though you’re an introverted guy!
As I’ve said there is a lot more to learn here.
That’s why I work with introverted guys personally to help you get where you’re trying to go.
Hit me up if you want to find out more about that!
But these 3 things are absolute must dos if you want to meet girls as an introverted guy.
What do you think? Is it time to get away from your computer screen and start getting out there where the people are?