Recently a Facebook friend put a question out for her followers to answer.
The question was, “What’s your perfect version of a romantic date with someone you love?”
Of course there were a variety of replies.
Some of the guys suggested a hot air balloon ride, a walk in the forest, or sitting by the fire scrolling through Facebook. (Not sure about that last part!)
One guy even thought a trip to the library would be romantic.
The girls piped in with a trip to Hawaii, a picnic on a beach, surfing or snorkeling.
But there was one answer that really stood out to me. It was a single word response by a girl that to me really brought the whole thing together in the sweetest and simplest way.
I even ended up friend requesting her because of it.
She replied simply, “Anywhere.”
Wow! Did I really read that right?
Are there still actually people out there that “get it?”
You see so many people build fantasy around their relationships, needing to create some magical something that makes them feel alive.
I’m not saying experiences of the types the other respondants suggested are wrong or in no sense worthwhile.
A lot of emotional connection is created by sharing enjoyable experiences together that are outside your ordinary, everyday experiences of life.
I get that.
I talked about it in my blog post The Most Important Thing About Love I Learned From My Dog.
When you experience positive emotions in the presence of your lover, you associate those feelings with your lover on a subconscious level, and it makes you feel in love with them.
But what this girl’s simple response emphasized to me is, it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you do it together.
It is the quality time spent together that builds your bond of love.
Not the particular activity you’re up to.
This is so important.
It’s something a lot of you girls especially need to hear.
You put so much pressure on your guys to “lead” and “take responsibility” for the relationship.
You expect them to show you they love you by coming up with all these amazing experiences that prove it.
If they don’t put out much effort, how can they claim to love you?
But that’s just silly.
When you love someone you don’t need to “go out on a date” to prove it to them.
You don’t need to perform or jump through hoops.
It is shown in a thousand different ways, as you share undivided attention time together by really being together.
It can even be messaging you in the middle of the day to see how you’re doing.
Or sitting in a room while both of you are reading your own book. (I guess that could be Facebook if you insist!)
As I said before I don’t believe in dating. I believe in sharing myself with my partner because being with my partner is what I really want and enjoy.
The event or activity is just a convenient context for us to experience each other again.
To enjoy the encounter that is “us,” in whatever way we choose.
Sometimes we talk about things that have been going on in our lives.
Other times we take in a restaurant, walk the seawall, or curl up on the couch and pretend to watch a movie.
We hug and kiss and caress and enjoy affectionate times together.
We make love.
Don’t wait for the perfect occasion to share your connection with your partner.
Do it now.
Do it always.
So what do you think? Is it time to quit worrying about the perfect date and just enjoy your connection?