Today I took a step to express how I felt about a girl.
She’s in a relationship with another guy.
They will likely be getting married.
They are monogamous.
And I knew all this.
But I still put it out there anyway.
Why?
I didn’t want to leave things to chance.
I wrote her and said, “You are exactly the type of girl I love. A definite beautiful inside and outside kind of girl. If that relationship status of yours ever changes, I’d love to explore a connection!”
She wrote me back and thanked me.
Assured me their relationship status would be upgraded.
I told her, “All good” and moved on.
Why did I do this knowing where she was at?
Because historically I’ve been a “keep it in” type of guy.
As you know I’m also not into seduction.
I prefer finding girls I feel a genuine connection with first.
Whether or not her status moves to married, I’ve made it clear to her I think she’s a special girl. If something does change down the road? She knows she can look me up.
Would she?
No idea.
Does it matter?
That’s not the point.
The point is that you put yourself out there.
Nothing good comes to you if you don’t.
It feels good to just share your heart.
It makes your existing connection stronger.
I have no doubt in my mind when this girl’s and my paths cross in the future? We will have a deeper bond than we ever had before.
That is what vulnerability does.
It removes the walls that separate you.
Not every relationship comes to full fruition.
Your desires may not be fulfilled completely.
You still gain something rich though.
By being real?
You’re sharing yourself to the extent someone will LET you.
I have one girl who I never really did this with, though I felt the same way at the time. She was in a relationship and I had no expectation that would change. So I kept how I felt to myself.
Guess what happened?
Her situation DID change.
I still wonder what might have been.
What if I had just got up the nerve?
Told her how I felt?
Here too I know exactly what I would have said.
“I think you’re really wonderful and I love your personality. If you two ever consider opening up your relationship or your relationship status changes, I’d love to explore a connection.”
How hard would that have been?
It doesn’t constitute home wrecking.
It’s just sharing how you feel.
While respecting their current status.
It’s not trying to break them up.
Would she have come to me?
Expressed interest in my offer?
No idea but again you know how I COULD have found out!
If there is one thing I know it’s that monogamy doesn’t work. So whether someone is in a relationship or not is irrelevant. The probabilities are very great they will be leaving that relationship sometime in the semi-near future.
New relationship energy (NRE)?
It normally lasts only 6 months to 3 years.
That’s when attraction fades.
If you haven’t built anything else by then?
Your relationship will hit the rocks big time.
The same goes for that girl or guy.
You know.
The one you really think the world of?
Tell her.
Tell him.
You never know what will become of it.
How about you? Is there somebody you’ve been pining over that really ought to know so there’s a wonderful possibility in your future?
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