Everybody talks about it.
Say it’s a key to a happy relationship.
But do you really do it?
I mean really?
If you are like most people you think you are communicating if your partner understands what you’re saying. And yes that is an important part of communication.
But it is not the most important part.
The most important part is hearing your partner, not being heard.
As individuals we bring two entirely different perspectives to every conversation.
There is no right perspective.
There is only your perspective and your partner’s perspective. Communication is bringing your two perspectives together so you experience closeness and oneness and a semblence of agreement between your perspectives.
For this to happen you have to develop empathy.
You have to begin caring more about understanding how your partner sees and feels.
Less about how you see and feel.
You have no problem understanding your perspective because it is yours.
You’ve lived it. Seen it. Felt it.
There is no way you could be wrong about how a situation is for you.
But your partner’s perspective is a completely different story.
You can be completely wrong about what your partner is thinking.
What he or she is feeling.
What their motives are.
And this wrongness is where your communication completely breaks down.
Because at the point where you aren’t truly hearing your partner, and you insist they cannot be seeing things the way they do, or that the way they claim to see things is simply wrong because it isn’t the way you see things, you eliminate the possibility of finding union and harmony in your relationship.
I often say “Communication is a wonderful thing. We all should try it more often.”
You don’t because it is hard.
One of the hardest things you’ll ever do.
You will be tempted to throw up your hands in utter disbelief that your partner could actually see things the way they claim they do.
They have to be lying.
Have alterior motives.
A flawed character.
They are too intelligent to fail to see things the way you know is the right way to see them.
When this happens you have a choice. You can dig in your heels and insist your way is the only possible way of seeing things. Or you can embrace the reality that people can indeed see things in very different ways.
And that is what is happening with your partner right now.
The only way through is to pull away from your own perspective and seek to embrace theirs.
To try to understand how they could have seen it the way they do.
You don’t have to come to see things the same way.
You just have to come to appreciate that they do indeed see them that way.
When you do this an amazing thing will happen.
They will start to hear you too.
And communication will begin
What do you think? Is it time to start hearing your partner?
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