I read an interesting article recently.
It’s all about how you probably shouldn’t marry the person you want to.
Because the person you think you’re in love with now?
You’re going to end up hating them in the end.
Then you’ll get divorced.
And your life will end up train wrecked inevitably.
Just like you know eating cheezeburgers and milkshakes and smoking every day will make you a very unhealthy adult in the long run? The person you want to marry will in high likelihood ruin your life as well.
Does that mean you shouldn’t marry at all?
It just means you need to have good boundaries.
The REAL reason marriages end up so bad?
You don’t draw and stick to your lines like you should.
Most of the time you don’t draw any lines you just put up with things come what may. Once you find somebody attractive that’s all you need to make you FEEL like you should be with them.
Even though you know you’re attracted to Bad Boys?
You still go out with them anyway.
As one girl said, “Why are girls attracted to Bad Boys. Actually, why am I?”
Guys you’re not exempt from this.
You’re too concerned whether she’s a Hottie.
Whether you’re a girl OR a guy?
You chase your addictions all the time.
The author of this article says when you do this, what’s happening is you’re tolerating things you shouldn’t be tolerating. You don’t communicate your boundaries and lie to yourself about what a long term relationship with this person will look like.
Of course there too?
There’s a reason that you do this.
You never “fall in love” with the real person anyway.
It’s always a fantasy you build up in your mind.
You don’t take the time to really get to KNOW them.
How can you stop yourself from doing this?
The author thinks you just evaluate your boundary issues.
Do you let your partner manipulate you emotionally, “save” them, or fight with them all the time? Are things always amazing or horrible, with nothing in between?
The list goes on.
The point of it all?
You’re putting up with things you shouldn’t.
But you can change.
You can ENFORCE your boundaries.
Hold people accountable for their “crap.”
And always take responsibility for yours.
I agree if you do all this and require it of your partner you’re likely to end up with a more healthy relationship at the start.
Does this guarantee the long term though?
The problem is…people change.
Even if you start out on solid ground?
Life has a way of eating away at your connection.
The “cares of this life” and “living together” have a way of breaking things down.
The call for compromise is eternal.
But isn’t compromise itself letting go of your boundaries anyway?
Does that mean setting boundaries doesn’t work?
Not at all!
It just depends HOW you set them.
The BEST boundary you can ever set?
Just to never live with or marry ANYONE!
What do you think? Is there really any way to guarantee your relationship for the long run or it is just a fact about monogamy that your chances are slim to none no matter what you do?
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