“I’d like to kiss you now.”
He said this after their date together.
It seemed like the respectful thing to do.
But all it did was turn her off.
I’ve heard this from you girls over and over, how you don’t want a guy to ask you for permission. Instead he should just somehow “know,” that getting physical with you is what you want now.
I had a similar experience in reverse.
I was with a girl I was very attracted to.
We were sitting in her car up close one night.
Suddenly she said to me, “You should do what you WANT TO.”
I gave her a slow sensual kiss, and when it was over she opened her eyes affectionately. “If you had done that an hour ago, I still would have kissed you back.”
I was chatting in a Facebook group.
We were discussing this very subject.
I brought up feminist Laura Kipnis’ views.
She writes about “unwanted advances.”
I told you about her previously. How Kipnis was involved in altercations at Northwestern University. She got herself in trouble writing a piece about “sexual paranoia,” and questioning the whole anti-sexual harassment theme.
Her central question?
How do you know an advance is “unwanted” unless you TRY it?
I mentioned this in my Facebook group.
One of the girls answered, “Easy. Just ask.”
It’s painful for me, when I hear this kind of naive response on this subject. Any guy in a sexless relationship can tell you, how well ASKING is working for him.
The truth is girls?
You are not sexual Ever Ready Bunnies.
In order for you to experience sexual desire?
We have to DO things that arouse you.
This means you will never experience desire consistently, through only a verbal consent scenario. Unless we are able to seduce you somehow, you won’t be interested at all usually.
Yes I know SOME of you are horny girls.
But you are very much the exception.
While some of you can proceed from verbal consent?
Most of you cannot unfortunately.
I’m not advocating a guy do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but until you become less uptight about your sexuality? This awkward situation will continue, and the battle of the sexes will rage on.
My reply to this girl in the group?
I told her what she suggested is emotionally unrealistic.
Most girls require you to do more than ask.
That’s just the way it is.
The way it always will be.
How about you? If a guy asks you if it’s okay to kiss you at the end of the date, is he gonna turn you off by doing that or disgust you, or are you one of those very rare exceptions to the rule, that us guys wish set the precedent?