As you know I talk a lot about attraction and how it works.
I began my discussions of this subject with my main post called Why Doesn’t Anybody Find You Attractive?
That post is very foundational and what I’m going to clarify here is not intended as a contradiction to that.
Think of it more as an expansion.
Because although there are definite things guys and girls find attractive generally, it is also true that every person is unique.
No two people find exactly the same thing attractive, nor are they attractive in exactly the same way others are.
Which is good news, because this means there are indeed people out there that will find you attractive too.
Yes you can improve upon your chances by working on the things commonly found attractive, as I’ve said many times before.
But once you’ve worked on that, you just have to find the people who more naturally find you of interest!
I know, I know.
That’s the million dollar challenge!
In my next post I’ll address how to know if someone finds you attractive.
But what I’m going to share with you here should make that challenge a little less…challenging.
What I’m talking about is the concept of Attraction State. I’m indebted to Mark Manson’s discussion of “poloraization” in Models for this general concept.
Think about all the girls (if you’re a guy) or guys (if you’re a girl) you meet day to day.
Are you attracted to all of them?
Not at all, right?
Actually, you always experience your attraction for people to be one of three states.
The first state is what I call the “Whoa!” attraction state, because when you experience them this is how you feel.
Whenever you experience a person and feel like “Whoa!” inside?
You know this person really pushes your attraction buttons.
As I mentioned in my post Is It Love Or Is It Addiction?
This intense “Whoa!” attraction state is a bit dangerous.
Because you can experience it for somebody you don’t even know?
I actually recommend moving much slower than the “Whoa!” attraction state suggests you should.
The second attraction state I call the “Hmmm” state. This is where you feel like you “could” be attracted to this person, and you’re open to finding out.
Personally I really like this attraction state.
It opens the door for exploration and really getting to know someone.
It allows you to see what kind of connection you will develop together.
The “Hmmm” attraction state has the greatest potential for evolving into a solid long term relationship.
It is more conducive to developing genuine secure attachment.
As opposed to ONLY attraction.
The third attraction state I call the “Nope!” attraction state. You’re simply not attracted to the person.
When you think about those “Nope!” people in your life though, do you find yourself hating them or otherwise disliking them per se?
It’s not really like that is it?
Attraction is an automatic response.
You don’t really think about it at all.
Each of these attraction states is something you just experience for people.
You don’t have any control over which one you experience for any particular person.
But you do experience one of these three attraction states for each person you meet.
It’s the same when people of the opposite sex experience you.
Some people will find you attractive right up front.
Instant attraction to you.
I know it may be hard for you to believe anyone could have that kind of attraction for you.
But some people definitely will.
Everybody has people who experience each of the three attraction states I’ve described toward them.
So you will have your “Whoa’s!”, your “Hmmms”, and your “Nopes!” and that is completely to be expected. It’s nothing to take personally at all, one way or the other.
And since all three of these are attraction responses?
Everybody really is attracted to you in some way.
Even “Nope!” is an attraction response.
The magic to finding love in your life is learning how to find your “Whoa!” and “Hmmm” admirers!
I’ll be talking about how to do that in future posts.
So what do you think? Does it make it a bit easier realizing those people who will find you attractive really are out there?