You can’t seem to please him.

One minute he’s with you?

Then he isn’t.

First she says she wants this.

Then she’s not happy with it at all.

If this describes your experience, you are encountering what I call a “Jekyll and Hyde” partner. One minute they are “hot” and all love toward you, and then the next minute they are “cold” and have backed out on you.

If this is what your partner is like?

I know how frustrating it can be.

You truly love your partner.

So why do they turn on you like they do?

It took me a while to understand that this challenge stems from insecure attachment. I was familiar with Love Addicts and Love Avoidants, but this Jekyll and Hyde thing really threw me.

Love Addicts are anxious.

They are clingy and wanting reassurance all the time.

Love Avoidants are aloof and distant.

They distrust love and won’t let it in.

But then I was introduced to what I have come to know now as the Love Ambivalent. When I learned about this THIRD insecure attachment style, everything began to make sense to me.

As a Love Ambivalent?

Your partner vacillates between Love Addiction and Love Avoidance.

One minute they want to be assured they’re loved.

The next minute they pull away because it is suffocating.

The way you can help your partner with this is you can recognize their patterns. Once you do, you can begin to compensate when their triggers hit.

When they are feeling clingy and needy?

Reassure them that you love them.

When they become distant and want to pull away?

Give them their space, so they can know love won’t hurt them.

The key thing is not to take this personally as if YOU have done something wrong. At any given time, your partner is either feeling a fear of abandonment or a fear of intimacy.

No.

You can’t heal your partner’s wounds.

That’s up to them ultimately.

But by understanding the dynamics going on?

You can adapt and not take it personally.

How about you? Do you have a current partner who goes “Jekyll and Hyde” on you, and if so can you develop the skills to help them be reassured while it’s happening?