“I’m just not feeling it!”
“There’s no ‘spark’ when we kiss.”
“I can’t see him as romantic potential.”
One way or another I hear this tune from you girls.
All the time.
You’re looking for “chemistry” between you and a guy and if you don’t find it you think that it’s over. Or maybe more accurately what I should say here is you feel it is over before it even begins.
When scientists play with chemistry?
It’s all about experimentation.
They are trying to gather empirical evidence.
They want to know how the world actually works.
One of the clues that they are onto something is when they achieve a repeatable occurrence. When they put all the factors together and things turn out the same way they know they are really onto something.
What’s odd to me though?
When YOU play with chemistry?
It’s like you never make any observations.
Even though you experience repeatable patterns all the time?
It never occurs to you reality is talking to you.
Okay that’s not quite right.
You do think something’s wrong about this.
But not with your selection of guys.
You think it just must be something about how you “approach” those guys.
Surely there is some way to actually get a Bad Boy to love you.
Now a good scientist would tell you the way you “approach” guys is a possible explanatory hypothesis. But after experimenting with a lot of different approaches if things don’t change he would tell you it must be something else.
So what would he do?
He would evaluate other variables.
See what else is influencing the situation?
Maybe it’s actually the TYPE of guy you’re going for.
And maybe that is influenced by your selection criteria.
So what would he do if he found out that you always select guys based on the EXCITEMENT you feel when you meet them? He would eliminate that variable and experiment again to see if maybe that is the cause of your difficulties.
But unfortunately you’re only pretending at chemistry.
Just like you do with your love life.
You’re not really seeking answers to the way the world really IS.
Instead you want it to be the way you WISH it was.
Fantasy drives your every move when it comes to romantic love.
Any good scientist will tell you in a minute that if you take that approach you’re doomed to failure. One of the key disciplines a true scientist must master is keeping his biases out of the equation.
So the next time you’re considering a guy in your life?
Let your past experiments be your teacher.
Maybe it’s time to leave chemistry in the lab.
And let who a guy actually IS be your guide instead.
Not how he makes you feel because you can experience that without really knowing him. What you want is to find out who he is and for THAT to be what makes you decide.
After you’ve taken the time to get to know him?
Only then are you being like a real scientist.
Until you do?
What you’re really doing?
Your just playing make believe.
What do you think girls? Has your endless experimentation with “chemistry” brought you any kind of break through or is it time to change some variables in the equation and see if you can turn this into a true experiment instead?