“Can you reach emotionally unavailable guys?” she asked.
“Guys who are angry or depressed or always avoid their problems?”
Though I empathized with what she was asking?
I knew I couldn’t give her a lot of hope.
“Usually wanting to heal us is an indicator you have healing to do yourself,” I told her. As you can see from the response I gave I know this because I was talking about me.
“But do we ever stop healing?” she responded.
“I work every day on my triggers.”
“But this guy I’m in love with is stuck.”
“He’s not willing to look at his issues at all.”
“Of course we never stop healing,” I agreed. “And it’s not wrong to desire to see someone else healed either. But usually if we feel the need to ‘save’ someone there’s a matching wound in ourselves that’s causing us to.”
“I’m one of these guys and what I can tell you?”
“We don’t change until it’s OUR idea.”
“Sadly we don’t frequently ‘get it’ that we need to change.”
“That’s why girls tell you just to ‘run’ from guys like this.”
Still clinging to “hope beyond hope” next she asked, “Do you have any examples of when this type of guy ‘gets it?’ Does it take him hitting absolute ‘rock bottom?'”
“For me what I had to find out?” I replied.
“My partner was thinking of leaving me.”
“Frequently it is an ultimatum like that.”
“I don’t mean ‘threatening.'”
“You have to indicate it’s not working for you and then be ready to really walk away from him. He’ll do whatever he does with that when he sees you’re serious but you have to be really prepared to make good.”
“The tough part is?” I cautioned her.
“We are also famous for ‘changes of heart’ that are temporary.”
“So you really need to be strong in yourself.”
“Wait for a pretty long track record of evidence as well.”
Usually at this point I lose most of you girls because you just can’t bring yourselves to dish out this kind of strong medicine. To her credit the girl I was speaking with replied, “Solid response. What a journey!”
Do you find yourself in this story I’ve told?
Reach out to me NOW and let’s get started.
You can find healing too!
What do you think? Is that emotionally unavailable guy really worth that kind effort or is your time better spent concentrating on your own healing so you can attract a more open guy who is capable of truly loving you?
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