You are currently viewing Attachment Theory Is Totally Wrong (Part 6)

Attachment Theory Is Totally Wrong (Part 6)

This entry is part 6 of 9 in the series Attachment Theory Is Totally Wrong

So if “secure base” in another person isn’t it?

And they are not your “safe haven?”

Then what IS the point?

What does it mean to have a “securely attached” relationship?

It’s funny because when I experienced my relationship crisis in the winter of 2010, I had absolutely no idea what to think about any of this. Though I lived with my partner for many years, we were never sexually OR emotionally connective throughout our time together.

As I often put it?

I left us in a “relationship desert.”

And worse than that?

Back then I still thought I was the only cause of it.

But when I found out my long term partner was thinking of leaving me, the two-by-for hit me on the head forcibly. That’s when I finally decided I had to figure myself out. I began to “surf myself” as I put it.

I learned about a lot of relationship ideas.

The most significant was Attachment Theory.

I found out I’d been a Love Avoidant all along.

I also learned my partner had been a Love Addict.

We were drawn to each other like moths to the flame, and had a whirlwind romance when we “fell in love” with each other. Little did we know what the aftermath would be, and that it would take YEARS to find our way beyond it.

As a Love Addict, what was she looking for from me?

To “meet her emotional needs” naturally.

As a Love Avoidant what was I seeking from her?

To “be there” so I could feel like I had “a someone.”

But if that’s not the point of relationship, then what IS the reason to be together? Hopefully you’ve read enough of what I’m always writing here by now, that my answer should be second nature to you.

The only reason to be in a relationship?

Romantic Love of course!

Nothing else.


The purpose of relationship is to experience sexual fulfillment and emotional connection that is mutually shared and enjoyed, because you value each other for who you are and want to share yourselves because of this.

As always?

That’s really all I’ve got to say about it!

Focus on this?

You’ll experience “secure attachment” naturally.

So what do you think? Have I summarized the point of secure attachment for you well and are you ready to enjoy the benefits, or will you continue to insist your partner needs to meet your needs for you anyway?

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