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Attachment Theory Is Totally Wrong (Part 2)

This entry is part 2 of 9 in the series Attachment Theory Is Totally Wrong

Is it really true?

What your parents didn’t do for you?

Is that what you need now?

And do you need it from your romantic partner?

If you listen to what most Attachment Theory theorists have to say, you would certainly get this impression. I have yet to encounter any of them who think differently.

Doesn’t it just make sense?

If your parents failed to love you the right way?

Isn’t that exactly what you need now?

And don’t you need it from your lover?

As always you’re welcome to disagree with me, but I have to call a spade a spade when I see one. And the error Attachment Theory theorists make here is completely glaring to me.

As I said in Part 1?

Attachment Theory is actually about KIDS.

What do they need growing up?

What’s necessary for their childhood development?

I hope I don’t have to tell you that what you need as an adult is not exactly the same as what you needed as an infant. Wasn’t the whole point of parenting you to help you GROW UP?

Recently in a Facebook group?

I said the following about healing:

“Another word for healing attachment wounds?”

“It’s the word ADULTING.”

Attachment Theory is totally relevant to your romantic life, but only if you apply it properly. It’s relevance is in showing you how you turned out so messed up, not in its suggestion you should now continue to be infantalized by your partner.

If you applied this idea consistently?

You’d also believe your partner should take care of you financially.

After all, when you were a child?

Weren’t you financially dependent on your parents as well?

If it makes sense to say your partner should make you feel emotionally secure now, because that’s what your parents should have done for you? It ought to make just as much sense to say that your partner should make you financially secure now too.

But of courseā€¦it doesn’t.

Well okay, I know a lot of you girls DO think this way often.

You’re looking for a “man” to “take care of you.”

But in your better moments?

You know you shouldn’t be dependent on anyone.

What do you think so far? Do you think I’m way off track or do you think I just might be onto something, and if the latter is the case could it be time to start looking into “adulting?”

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