A lot of people think they are monogamous.
Later on they find out they aren’t.
I’ve told you a couple ways this happens.
Sometimes you wake up and realize you’re in love with someone else in addition to your partner.
Other times the tell tale signs are there.
Or you’re working really hard to prevent the fact.
If you are really honest with yourself you probably feel the reality of polyamory encroaching. Though you think you SHOULD be happily monogamous your experience tells you otherwise.
There is yet another way you can find out you’re not monogamous.
This one is much more troubling.
Instead of having anything to do with you?
It has everything to do with what your partner does.
This was brought home to me recently by a couple clients who shared their stories with me. One of them had an affair on her partner while the other one found out her partner was unfaithful to her.
Needless to say this isn’t any fun.
Here you are being faithful.
You’re BOTH exclusive as far as you know.
Then you find out your partner hasn’t lived up to the deal.
I’ve written before how monogamy is just an illusion because it makes you think you are secure in your relationship. Since you’re both exclusive to one another whatever could go wrong?
Of course what goes wrong is monogamy itself.
It is an unrealistic expectation.
One completely outside your control.
Because it has to do with the actions of another person.
“Oh,” you say, “That won’t happen to me!”
“My partner and I are truly committed.”
The problem is there is not a monogamous relationship in the world that didn’t start out just like that. Would you really commit to be exclusive with someone who didn’t commit the same thing to you?
You CAN’T guarantee your partner will be faithful.
People violate monogamous commitments every day.
And while you’re sitting there thinking you’re monogamous?
You may be in a polyamorus relationship after all.
Think I’m shooting steam here? A recent Psychology Today article shows this. It talks about people whose open relationship is consensual and people whose open relationship is COVERT.
So what do you do to prevent this?
Don’t require monogamy.
Face the fact people are inherently polyamorous.
I promise you your partner doesn’t want to cheat.
It’s your relationship style that’s creating this situation.
The reason insisting on monogamy never works?
It’s because you really ARE polyamorous after all.
What do say? Are you ready yet to recognize that you are indeed polyamorous and change the way you approach your love life to accommodate the truth?
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