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Are You Sure You’re Not Polyamorous? (Part 3)

This entry is part 3 of 5 in the series Are You Sure You’re Not Polyamorous?

What never ceases to amaze me?

The hoop jumping people constantly do.

Just to convince themselves they’re REALLY monogamous.

Case in point is a recent article.

A Modern Guide To Monogamy – What Couples Need To Know To Make It Work.

The author asks if monogamy is really a realistic modern lifestyle choice. Are people destined to have multiple sexual partners? Or is it possible to be with one person the rest of your life?

Notice that last question.

Emphasis being on “the rest of your life” obviously.

You would think you’re about to read how you can do that right?

Not so.

In truth, what the author does is subtly pitch for SERIAL monogamy.

Not surprising, since it is the last great modern hold out.

You can tell that the author is not serious about long term monogamy when he says it’s a choice, but your ability to uphold it depends on a whole bunch of factors.

What are those factors?

How much you “LOVE the person you’re with.”

How “strong and stable” your relationship is “at the time.”

How “sexual” a person you are.

Your “addiction to validation” with the opposite sex.

Just to name a few things.

He even goes so far as to say that if you’re a guy, monogamy goes completely against your natural instinct for sexual variety. He thinks monogamy is easier for you girls, even though it’s more likely you’ll emotionally cheat as well.

Points to him.

He’s correctly identified the TWO ASPECTS of romantic love.

Guys desire sexual fulfillment.

You girls major on emotional connection.

But notice he said even you girls cheat?

You just do it for EMOTIONAL reasons.

The other thing to notice is monogamy is only a sure thing, depending on factors that are completely out of your control.

How much you love someone can change.

He even says its conditional on how stable things are at the time.

Stability ebbs and flows.

You simply cannot guarantee it.

While it is possible to change how sexual or emotionally driven you are?

Neither of these things is easy.

To make matters worse, the author then draws the analogy of monogamy being like a dog tied to a fence. You can bark at all the cars you want, as long as you don’t decide to jump in one.

Of course, what this shows is monogamy’s greatest weakness.

It is actually the part that’s supposed to be it’s strength.

You and your partner allegedly own each other.

So you are safe from being abandoned.

Because nobody minds someone else telling them what they can do right?

Of course as you can see?

NONE of this is true in reality.

Monogamy is always just a choice, and one the author admits is constantly made in direct contradiction to all your natural tendencies. As a guy you WANT sexual variety, and as a girl you WANT that emotionally too.

I agree that random “mediocre sex” is unfulfilling.

But meaningful love making is not inherently exclusive.

It is conditional only on genuine connection.

You can have that with more than one person.

All it takes is being open to love.

Responding wherever you experience it.

What do you think? Doesn’t the fact monogamy goes completely against everything you ARE, indicate you are polyamorous after all?

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