A friend of mine shared an online discussion with me.

It was about approaching a girl to get her number.

I’ve written about approaching girls before.

I think it is good to learn to have conversations.

But since I’m an introverted guy, the way I approach girls tends to be a little bit different. I don’t usually just walk up to a girl, have a quick conversation with her and then pitch for her number.

This feels completely unnatural to me.

She doesn’t know me.

Why on earth should she give me her number?

It also feels like any girl who would give me her number just like that?

What’s going on in her emotionally that makes her so willing?

As you can see in the online discussion I linked to above, the author feels much the same way I do. He thinks if you go for the jugular like that, you are likely to receive more No’s than Yes’s.

He recommends what he calls the volley ball approach.

Instead of just trying to get that cute barista’s number?

Slow things down.

Interact with her over time.

Volley the interaction back and forth between you.

“That’s great,” you say.

“But I’ll run out of baristas pretty quick.”

“How can I meet more girls to play volleyball with?”

I tend to go where I can get to know a girl first, to places like meetups where there will be conversation. Events and such where there is some natural socializing built in, that will allow us both to encounter each other without pressure.

Pickup artists teach a very different approach than this.

They teach you to quickly trigger a girl’s attraction.

They say come on strong.

Make her feel she’s being swept off her feet by you.

This works of course and is very efficient.

But is it really going to get you what you’re after?

What you have to ask yourself is what is your goal? Pickup artists aren’t primarily interested in relationship. Since they are usually just “out for sex,” to them each girl is just a number.

I will readily admit though, you can’t always take time.

What happens if you meet someone briefly?

She seems really special.

You know you will never see her again.

If you don’t “make your move” NOW, it’s definitely game over.

In that case I say go for it of course.

Since it’s obviously now or never.

But don’t let that approach be your staple.

As an introverted guy you need to be more authentic.

What do you think guys? Is it natural to approach a girl quickly and out of the blue, or would you rather figure out how to get to know her more slowly?