I had an interesting experience at a meetup yesterday.
I was seated across the table from an attractive girl.
She was sporting an enjoyable bit of cleavage.
Nothing too too revealing.
Just a delightful little touch.
I can tell by the way you girls are squirming right now this one is not heading where you were hoping.
What led to my writing about this was a interesting moment that occurred.
The group discussion had gone on some time.
I was definitely starting to blur.
I had turned quite glassy eyed.
I was somewhat in a daze.
Suddenly I realized my unfocused eyes must have paused momentarily on this attractive girl’s subtly displayed assets.
She seemed to notice my momentary gaze.
Unaware it wasn’t focused at all she shifted uncomfortably in mild shock.
Then she looked down at her chest.
Unsatisfied she was sufficiently covered she physically adjusted her top.
Pulling it up to hide a bit more than she thought she was revealing.
When she went through this jig I suddenly realized what she thought.
I found it quite amusing!
The funniest part though was a couple minutes later. This same girl was talking about how she works hard on her body and she likes to wear tiny tight dresses to show it off.
And that right there girls?
It is the total anomoly.
On the one hand you don’t want to be a sex object.
But you also crave attention too.
You feel you should be able to be appreciated for your beauty and that’s all.
You don’t want to feel all a guy wants is your body.
This is where your confusion reigns supreme.
Every guy DOES want to appreciate you for your beauty of course but to him the central thing that makes you beautiful to him is your sexy body.
You think a guy should turn this off.
You think he really CAN.
He shouldn’t look even though you want him to.
Just not in “THAT way.”
That leering sort of way?
I remember telling a sweetheart of mine once how she really looked hot one day.
I told her I kept looking her up and down.
Liking what I saw.
Her answer to me was quintessential GIRL. She said, “Well at least you do it in a subtle way unlike what most guys do.”
And that right there is the essence.
The compromise that must be struck.
Guys will always look you girls over.
Your discomfort with that must be abandoned.
And you really need to take a look at WHY that makes you so uptight.
I think you will discover rooted deep in your desire not to be made a sex object? There is a great inability to be truly at home in your own body and with your own sexuality.
Until you girls relax about your sexuality?
Learn to enjoy it instead of suppress it?
You will always feel a little bit off.
And never know quite why.
A guy’s “need” to leer is just as problematic of course.
This isn’t healthy either.
That’s why I work with guys to overcome porn addiction like I do.
This all shows he is not yet in tune with the fact he’s a sexual being either.
Neither of these perspectives is healthy.
When you finally learn to be at home in your own skin though?
All of this will change.
You will enjoy the gaze of appreciative guys.
They will appreciate the things you choose to show them.
This was the central shift that took place for me when I finally broke the back of my porn addiction. I was finally truly set free.
I became free from having to look.
Now I simply DO look and enjoy the pleasure.
If you lean down and your top falls open?
I’m going to enjoy the view!
But I’m not going to try to GET that view.
I don’t need to any more.
I just enjoy the beauty God created you to be.
Despite the current #metoo climate with its return to puritanical prudishness? My hope is we will one day come to the place as a culture where our sexuality is comfortably on display.
This is a part of who God made us.
Something to be enjoyed.
Not JUST “when you’re married.”
As you can tell I part ways with my Evangelical Christian friends here.
Lust is NOT you guys’ problem.
Your real problem is lack of self-control.
That’s what I help guys learn.
So they don’t creep you girls out any more.
But make no mistake you will never change what a guy is at his core.
When you heal the part of YOU that is resistant to this?
You will love him and rejoice in the potent sexual being he is.
You will be that COOL GIRL in his life.
And you will be free too!
What do you think? Can the two of you find that sweet spot between his needing to leer and your discomfort he will always enjoy the view?
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