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Apply Now To Be The Number 2 Guy In Her Life!

I do a lot of online dating.

As I’ve said I’m constantly experimenting how you guys can best wield this tool.

And yes I get in trouble with you girls sometimes because of it!

I do mean well though, even if my experiments cause you a bit of frustration now and then!

But I have to share something that really struck me as funny the other day.

Okay, not funny.


While I was sitting in the White Spot near my place in Yaletown, consuming my usual “vegan” $6 appy serving of dry ribs, I was scrolling through the profiles on OK Cupid.

I came across a girl’s profile that read as follows:

“I’m a hardworking, full time employed, stable single mother to a great 3 year old boy. He is the #1 man in my life. I am still searching for the #2 man in my life. Is that you?”

When I read this I began laughing very energetically out loud.

If you know me, you know this doesn’t happen very often.


I’m a pretty reserved guy when it comes to expressing my amusement.

But I just kept laughing and laughing hilariously.


I was trying to imagine any guy on the planet who would want to apply to be the #2 guy in any girl’s life.

It seems so completely obvious to me just how wrong what she was saying really is.

Romantic love should be your priority.

Not your kids.

Not anything else.

In fact, kids are one of the major sources of romantic love’s demise.

Because while their needs ARE important, they are not as important as you experiencing real romantic love as your purpose.

I’ve talked about this before.

You have to choose whether you want a guy to be your children’s provider or YOUR lover. He can’t be both.

But I’m a bit foolish at times.

Despite all my experience to the contrary, I still expect others to see what I see.

So silly me, I flagged the waitress over to share my amusement with her.

Wanna guess what her response was to this online dating girl’s completely unrealistic expectation?

You got it!

Her reply was, “Oh, that’s sweet!”


You girls are wired to be mothers not lovers.

As I’ve said many times, there is nothing wrong with wanting a family.

As long as you’re clear that has nothing to do with your romantic love life.

It will only make your love life harder.

Because the temptation to prioritize your kids over your lover will be endless.

It is a battle most of you girls will not win.

Once you are a mother you will not even think you should win.

And sadly for you guys, this usually translates into that sexless relationship you’ve heard about and dread.

Or you are already living!

Your girl ends up thinking you should put your love for the kids first, because she finds herself so able to do so.

More like, unable to do otherwise!

But I’ll let you in on a little secret.

It really doesn’t matter whether or not YOU prioritize the kids. Once she’s fallen in love with her children, her desire for you will dissipate.

So if you’re going to get married and have a family, go in with your blinders off.

Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you really want.

But understand the price.

You have to work endlessly to defy the entropy your love life will experience.

And that girl you’re with needs to work endlessly at it too. Very tough for her to pull off, once she’s got those other little lovers in place!

Of course she will claim they will never come between you.

They always do.

History tells a different story.

As always, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news

So how about you guys? Want the link to this girl’s profile, so you can apply for the job of #2 man?

Like what you’re reading? Sign up!


This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Your female friend!

    Yes, that sounds funny when she puts it on words, but realistically she is telling the truth! She knows who she is looking for. This also applies to men too. Many men give priority to their kids, either small ones at home or even older ones. So the new lover in their life has the second or even third priority.

    That’s why many people without kids don’t date those with children. I never do!

    But it might work between two single parents. They match each other better. Still kids are always #1. No doubt about it.

  2. Kel Good

    Yes. And so rings the death nell of love!

  3. Jeff Tait

    Kel, I love your stories and perspectives on things, almost as much as when we hang out. The other thing that struck me about the girl’s ad is that she’s “hardworking”…I’ll bet she is…to keep a roof over their head. But how much free time does she have to invest in building a relationship with a man then? She sounds way too busy…and like you said, who the heck would sign on for this??? I don’t want to be anybody’s #2, have the kids become first priority, and be in a sexless relationship. So, pass!

  4. Kel Good

    That’s true Jeff. Single mom’s are busy girls. Hmmm. I think I feel another “Why you should have a polyamorous boyfriend” blog post coming on! 😉

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