I read this great Psychology Today article.
It’s about “living apart together.”
As I’ve said before?
Romantic Friendships are all about this.
With this relationship style, you and your partner deliberately do not live together. The two of you enjoy a kind of perpetual dating experience instead.
If you’ve read my work?
You’ve probably thought, “Okay that does sound like it has benefits.”
But doesn’t living together have benefits too?
Isn’t it just a matter of personal choice?
I wrote about that as well, when I talked about the idea of relationship preference. There really are objective reasons why one way is good, and the other is not.
The author of this article though?
She seems to agree with your intuition.
What struck me most about her thoughts on this?
It was the nature of the benefits she sees.
If you read very carefully, you will see that all the benefits of living together are front end loaded. They make you feel positive about your relationship at the start, but not in the long run.
What are the alleged “enormous benefits?”
“Companionship” can be very satisfying.
But as all the evidence shows?
Once your love starts to waine?
Living together only makes things worse.
Yes, moving in together is an expression of your commitment to your relationship. But this initial act is not the same thing as living together day to day.
You may appreciate your partner took that step.
But seeing it as an investment?
That’s just unrealistic.
The real investment is showing up again and again.
I have no doubt when your partner first commits to you, this does indeed boost your own commitment. The problem is, we know statistically these up front emotional benefits don’t last.
Everything you desire from commitment?
You receive from a sustained romantic connection.
The facts are in.
For that sustained connection to happen?
You’re both better off to stay away.
Only see each other when it is time to nurture your love. Make your times together special, by not trying to turn them into anything else.
The author of course recognizes this.
Absence really DOES make the heart grow fonder.
The corollary to this, is that familiarity breeds contempt.
If you want your love life to really “work?”
Don’t move in together.
Opt for Romantic Friendships.
They are the way to make your love “work” BEST.
What do you think? Is it really worth risking your love, just so you can say you’re committed, or are you indeed better off living apart together like this author says?
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