I’ve just had an epiphany!
A brain flash!
A real aha!
I got it from talking with one of my female readers about the subject of attraction and how that all works.
You see all these years I’ve been trying to promote my software business the wrong way.
I thought what I needed to do was give people evidence of my skills.
Let them know how capable I was of meeting their needs and solving their problems.
But I realize now I’ve had it all backwards.
The real answer is to hide my skills and make it look like I don’t even care about solving their problems.
Because I want customers who value me for me, not just for what I can do for them.
I want them to come to me and just know deep down that I can help them.
They should just be able to see that.
I shouldn’t have to work at it to let them know any of this.
Expecting that of me is really shallow of them.
They should want to take the time to find out for themselves that I’m a good software developer by investing in me first and showing me they care.
You see, once a customer invests in me like that, then I really feel like showing them what I can do.
It makes me want to prove to them then, that I really can solve their problems.
Hey, I’ll even work more on my skills then, so I can solve their problems better.
But if someone won’t invest in me first, why should I bother?
I think you’ll agree with me this all sounds ridiculous and is a really bad marketing plan right?
Hoping to promote a business and find customers this way is failed thinking to the extreme.
So why do you approach your dating life this way?
Why do you think you’ll succeed by not working on making yourself attractive?
Why is it that only once a guy has taken the time to really know you as a person and value you for who you are, you finally start wanting to lose weight and begin working on being more attractive for him?
Do you see what a bad marketing…er…dating plan that is?
All you’re telling the guy you’re hoping will come your way is you actually don’t care about him at all.
You could make yourself more attractive for him, but you think he is shallow for being attracted to what nature has wired him to be attracted to.
You want him to prove himself to you first.
Prove he values you for who you really are, not just for what your body or face looks like.
Of course it would help if you were even consistent on this point.
But you’re not.
Because as soon as you feel like he’s proving he loves you, then you actually start feeling like making yourself attractive.
Because now you’re feeling valued.
All this says is that you’re seeking validation from outside yourself, to feel good about yourself.
Once you experience that validation, you start actually wanting to be more attractive.
Suddenly his “shallow” standard becomes your standard too.
Isn’t that interesting?
So what is this telling you?
If once you start feelilng loved and validated you actually start wanting to make yourself look more attractive, doesn’t this mean you should be wanting to do that all along?
And really the problem here isn’t with what he finds attractive.
You’re actually agreeing with him now and wanting to be attractive, in exactly the way he wishes you wanted to be all along.
Your problem with attraction is really your own low self esteem.
So what you really need to do is work on you and value yourself more.
Once you do that, you’ll want to look attractive for YOU.
Not just so you can attract a guy.
I’m the first one to admit attraction is a real challenge. Nature is messing with us.
I totally agree that you girls are persons and not just sex objects.
And guys are more than just somebody there to provide for you and make you feel safe too.
That’s how you girls’ attraction desires are shallow as well.
But nature has wired you to desire the things you do.
Whether you are a guy or a girl, you need to do what you can to work on your attractiveness, if you want to attract a partner.
You can’t do it after you find somebody, because you need to be attractive to find somebody.
But as I said, that’s not the real reason to be attractive anyway.
The real reason is to do it for you.
I’m not just talking to the girls here.
When you guys work on your confidence, charm, and leadership qualities, you’ll feel better about yourself as well.
It doesn’t even matter then if a girl finds you attractive because of it.
That will just be a nice side effect.
Same thing goes for you girls.
When you slim down and make yourself beautiful for you, it won’t matter if any guy even notices.
That will just be a nice side effect for you too.
Just like business and marketing work like they work, you can whine and complain about how attraction works all you want to.
It’s not going to change the reality.
When somebody shows you love, it makes you want to work at being attractive.
That’s telling you it’s time to work on your attractiveness now, before that sombody comes along.
Oh and keep it going after they come along too…
We never lose our desire for a partner who is attractive to us!
So how do you feel about this? Is it time to alter your marketing…er…dating plan?